Birth Story Part 2

So I've still been coming to terms with how I feel about the birth. It happened so fast there really wasn't time to process anything at the time, so I'm still doing that now. The day after the birth I had a bath in the very same tub Lily was born in and I broke down and cried. Crying is not unusual for me these days, in fact I seem to cry at least once a day, either for reasons I can explain, but mostly for reasons I cannot. But in the tub, I wailed. Everything came flooding back and it was then that I realised I was scared druing the whole labour. I don't know if I was scared of just the pain, I think it was more that my whole body was being ripped apart so quickly and there was nothing I could do to make it slow down or even stop. I really felt like having a home waterbirth could be as peaceful and relaxing as all the books said it could be. So was it just because I didn't believe that I was in labour for so long that we didn't make it into the bath early enough for it to be comforting? We may never know.

As for having a home waterbirth, I have no regrets, although I am still not totally convinced that I want to have another baby yet! Our midwives were amazing, so considerate of all our wishes, always asking before they did anything. After the baby was born there was only the brief trip to the bedroom to deliver the placenta that I didn't have the baby. I got to hold her while I birthed the placenta and while I got stitched up. After they helped me with the first feed they left us alone to enjoy her while they cleaned up the tub, did laundry, packed up their gear and wrote their notes. After we weighed her and discovered that she was unbelievably small, they made special arrangements, waking up a pediatrician who came in early to his office to examine her, instead of sending us to the hospital, the one place we did not want to go. And this whole week they have been here everyday to check over the baby, weigh her, help us with breastfeeding and offer any other assistance and advice as needed.

The only disadvantage to having a homebirth is that you don't get the help of all the nurses during your first day or two. Luckily we have Devinder's parents living below us and Devinder's mom, quickly realising this, stepped up to the plate no problem. Without her taking the baby after our marathon 1 1/2 hour feeds every 3 hours so we could get some sleep, I think we would have snapped. As well she has been making us dinner every night which is just one less thing to have to worry about.

Devinder and I were going over the details of the birth last night, comparing notes and whatnot. He brought up a great point and that is that we were not excited to meet our baby. There was initially so much doubt that this was really it that we didn't get excited. Then once we realised it was for real, I was already in too much pain and Devinder was scrambling about inbetween contractions trying to get everything organized and set up in time. No time for excitement there. Then once the midwives arrived they were so busy trying to set up all thir gear in time that Devinder said he felt too worried about me and anxious that they were not in the room to help me out, that there was no excitenment then either. In fact, he said the only time he really felt excited was when we thought we were going into labour at 35 weeks, cause every contraction after that was a bit of tease and then you are in wait mode which really blurs the lines between excited and impatient.

Maybe I will never come to terms with the birth and maybe it's not neccessary. Now that we have our Lily the birth is quickly fading from my mind anyways. I mean, she's here and wasn't that what it was all about anyways?

Birth Story Part 1

This is Marussia here. Thanks to you all for checking in and so frequently over the last couple of days. And thanks for your lovely comments of congratulations. Lily is more than I ever could have dreamed for and I am head over heals in love! I have managed to grab a free moment so I thought I would bear all the gory details of the birth since so many of you have asked...

As you all know I spent the weekend in early labour, having steady contractions from around 6-8 minutes apart and then disappearing completely. On Sunday night we slept for 12 hours and I only got up to go pee twice, amazing for a nine month pregnant me, so we figured my body was really shaping up for Lily to arrive. Monday, refreshed after our sleep we went for a 2 hour long hike thru our snow covered woods, invited friends over for one last game of Catan to keep our minds off waiting and later that night we watched some more episodes of Lost. It was during Lost that I started having really strong contractions but they were still about 6-8 minutes apart so we thought we should go to bed and try to sleep. Of course I couldn't sleep and around 2pm I started having such strong contractions that I could no longer lay down. We moved to the living room so I could labour on the exercise ball and Devinder was timing my contractions while our dog Kona looked on with confusion and worry.

We called the midwife as my contractions went from 3 minutes apart to 2 to 1 minute apart after about 1/2 hour of timing them. The funny thing is that even though I was in serious pain by then and the contractions were right on top of each other, I still remember questioning wether this was really it. I mean I had been having contractions on and off for 3 days, were these really going to last? I always heard that you would just "know" but here I was doubting myself and I was in serious active labour already! I think because I was so confused about wether this was it or not, in my brain I kept thinking "holy crap these contractions are so strong already am I really strong enough to make it thru them when I am actually in active labour?" In fact I was so worried that they were actually going to get worse than they already were that I kept telling Devinder that I didn't think I was strong enough after all. Of course Devinder was reasurring me all the way that I was strong and I was going to make it just fine.

During the contractions I was trying my hardest to breath long slow deep breaths and concentrating on doing that really took my mind off the pain. I should also mention that thru all this, inbetween contractions I was trying very desperately to go pee, but nothing would come out. By the time the midwife Deborah arrived just after 3am I was labouring on the toilet. Deborah did a cervical check right away and announced that I was already 9cm dilated!! Things got very serious very fast as the midwife called in the back-up midwife Emma and scrambled around setting up all her gear. Devinder frantically poured the bath water while I continued labouring on the toilet, still convinced that I had to pee. Getting in the water was not the relief that I had hoped for although it was somewhat comforting. During each contraction I was practically climbing the sides of the tub trying to find that liquid epidural I thought the water would bring. Suddenly, from out of no where there was this tremendous pressure and need to bear down. When I did this I felt this tremendous release of pressure and what felt like a champaigne cork bursting from my vagina. I freaked out a little and shouted "the baby, the baby's coming!!" Then I realised my water broke and I shouted that out too. After that point it was nearly impossible to try not to push and that's when the second midwife Emma apppeared and I heard Debrah shouting "she's transitioning!!" and I kept shouting "I'm pushing, I'm pushing!!" Deborah, who was still in the other room setting up her gear came rushing in with her water thermometer and started to regulate the tempurature for Lily's arrival. She was so amazing and asked if it was all right that she was there, as there has been some talk before of Devinder delivering the baby. Of course that would have been impossible since I wouldn't let go of him. She checked my cervix and announced that she could feel the baby's head and I remember thinking it felt too early, were we really going to meet our baby this soon??

I still can't believe how in total dibelief I was of everything that was happening!! It was just all happening so fast and was not at all the quiet, relaxing, peacful water birth I had read about and believed we would have. Here I was after about an hour and a half of active labour already pushing out Lily! I don't think I had time to really process it at the time, but in retrospect, I was unbelievably scared. Things were happening so fast it was almost violent. I suddenly need to push and it was like my whole soul was being ripped open. I squeezed the head out and Devinder got to feel it before I pushed out the rest of our little angel. When Deborah brought her up onto my chest at 4:20am I remember feeling almost confused, like where the hell did this baby come from? She was all purple and sooo small all I could do was hold her in my arms and shake. She breathed almost right away, crying for just a second and then looking all around, so alert and curious right away. We had a little cuddle and then it was time to leave the tub for the walk down the hall to our room to birth the placenta. I was shocked at how much blood was pouring out of me as Emma followed me to our room with a towel underneath to catch it all. The placenta was easy to birth, but confusing cause my body no longer felt like pushing. After the placenta I started to shake uncontrollably, I suppose from shock and exaustion. Then this searing pain hit me from my vagina and I thought isn't the pain supposed to be over? Of course I needed stitches, babies that come that fast have to leave a mark. The whole time Lily was is my arms, but we didn't really know she was a she until Deborah accidently referred to her as a girl. Devinder and I were already so in love I think it could have been that alien child I dreamt about and we would have been perfectly happy!

To be continued...

More Pictures...

Here's a few more pictures. Thanks so much everyone for all your love and support. Things are going very well and Lily is latching no problem now!! We will post more when we have more time to gather our thoughts...

Two pics for the curious

1st look

4 lbs 13 oz

New Bits

So where did I leave off...Lily has just finished her first few mL of formula. She is small and tired, all four pounds and 13 ounces of her. Weak to suck, stomach full of mucus, sleepy baby doesn't want the boob; yet despite the faces she made, took the formula well. This is good news. I am not a fan of big pharma, and with Deborah saying that soy-based formula is less effective and the pedriatrian outlining the signs of low blood sugar, we caved pretty fast. We all want the best for our babies.

Marussia was extremely sore down below after delivery. Even with the wonderful distraction that is Lily couldn't take her mind off the discomfort. After some spelunking it was discovered that while the perinium was unscathed, her labia had undergone some rug burn. When you deliver a baby in ten minutes it can't all be roses!! Speed racer! Deborah and Emma set up what looked like a field operation tent beneath our canopy; green scrub bibs and all. Marussia got a few shots of the freezing and then four stitches later the bent fish hook stopped its painful weave. Marussia is wearing the height of delivery fashion; fishnet Victoria Secrets panties with a sucking chest wound pad wrapped around an ice pack wedged into her crotch. Her big, beautiful belly is gone. How strange, I miss it somehow.

BTW- looks like I've got me a rasta-sister; Dude-Mon's daughter was born at 4:20. Sweet.

My mom is up, helping Marussia and Lily latch. She didn't fall asleep! The little girl is working over the boobs,
biting,
licking,
missing,
trying as I write. Marussia felt a latch! Horay!! She is sucking, eyes open, looking at mom, proud dad and grandma right beside.
fell off,
then on,
off,
on and suck!

I gotta go, D

Lily is Born!

Hello. Live from the bedside with Devinder. The midwives, Deborah and Emma, are taking the baby's temperature while Marussia is working with Lily''s nipple latching. VERY exciting I tell you! The baby's head popped outta Marussia and into the bathwater around 4am or so. Wow!! Pretty darn fanatastic! A few more pushes later and out she came. Just a few moments of worry 'cause she was real quiet when she surfaced. Emma was there with the suction thingy in case there was any of the evil poo-bile but then Lily sucked in some air and cried. There was much rejoicing. Clamped the cord, I cut the cord and then baby and Marussia were out of the bath. Emma and I got Marussia comfortable on the bed for the delivery of the placenta while Deborah did a quick baby one-over. Moments later the baby was back in Marussia's arms, me watching her eyes opening and closing, hands in her mouth, listening to her quiet warbles. The placenta was a strange delivery, no pain, just no contractions to push it along. The sack came out, bagged and tagged into the freezer, cord blood extracted 'cause of her crazy blood type and with that- delivery complete!