16 Weeks

What I find amazing is how Lily knows that last week she was supposed to discover her feet, and she did, and this week she is supposed to eat her feet, which she does every chance she gets. How bang on these developmental markers are. I haven't found one for sticking out her tongue, but she just started that yesterday and it's the funniest thing because it's as though she just realised that she even has a tongue. She has been rolling from her tummy to her back for weeks now, but finally this week she has mastered the roll from her back to her tummy. The funny thing about that is that it actually scares her when it happens. It's such a fast movement, one second she's on her back, and the next, she's staring at the floor. "How did that happen?" she cries for just a second and then continues chatting and grunting, trying to eat anything in her path, our little monster.

I am very emotional lately, crying quietly on and off, snapping at Devinder then appologizing and crying again. Perhaps my first period is just around the corner, or perhaps I am just really tired and need a break. Or maybe it's all this rain. Or maybe I am just emotional, who knows...if it is my period I wish it would just come already, although it's been fantastic not having one for so long, I can't take weeks on end of PMS.

Bathtime

Bathtime Fun
Yes it's another one, but this time I promise it's not so sappy!

15 Weeks

Lily is 15 weeks and 10lbs 13oz!! It's summer here, all of a sudden, like it happened overnight, kinda like how every morning when I wake up, Lily has changed and is now doing something brand spankin new. Like grabbing her feet and her knees, grabbing onto me with purpose, like she really just needs to hold my arm. I feel so loved when she does this too. To be needed, that's all I really need to live.

Mother's Day was pretty cool, a day like any other day really, but it was my day, because I'm a mother. I am a mother... So many people called and e-mailed me. Oh the love, I feel so loved and needed in my life right now.

I have been thinking of my body more as a house lately. Lily likes to feed every hour for about 3-5 minutes. This is exausting as I cannot really get away in between feeds, and she really doesn't like the bottle much. Our midwife thinks she just needs the comfort. So I was thinking, this is really her body, not mine, in her eyes anyways. I mean she used to live here, so it's kinda like she's just not quite ready to leave home for long periods at a time yet.

Anniversary of Lily's Conception

Turn up the volume and click on the picture below:

one year ago today...
Warning!! May contain sap...

14 Weeks

Is it just us or is 14 weeks when temper tantrums begin? Yesterday when trying to change Lily's soiled clothes she made this horrible high pitched noise and arched her body in such a way that it took the skills of both mommy and daddy to get her changed. Yikes! We're raising a demon child!! I mean look at that picture - demon!!

Lily has more than doubled her birth weight and is now a healthy 10lbs 5.5oz!! Way to go champion eater! The other night she crawled for the first time, or rather she pushed and squirmed her little body using her feet and her forehead to move across the blanket - pretty impressive! Oh man, I gotta go, Kona is ripping apart something incredibly dirty on the living room floor. Maybe we shouldn't have installed the dog door, now he can come and go as he pleases with whatever disgustingly dirty thing he finds. I can't decide which is harder, raising Lily, or taking care of Kona...

Reunited

Daddy and Lily are back together again. Devinder says Lily has changed so much in just 5 days. The three of us had such peaceful sleeps last night, reunited in our family bed, rolling together in a dance of breastfeeding and dreams. I asked Devinder if he had thoughts of running away from us so he could continue his life of skateboarding and continuous sleep. He said he had thoughts of running away from work and coming home cause he missed us so much. I love our family and it's so good to feel whole again.

Motherly Instinct

Lily and I fell in the freezing cold river yesterday. Or rather I slipped and fell into the river while holding Lily in my arms. Luckily it was a shallow part, but regardless, her head went under just as mine did. I don't remember a thing, but Duston says it was an amazing act of motherly instinct. In mid air I apparantly twisted my whole body around so that Lily fell on top of me. For this reason alone she escaped unscathed, just a little shocked and cold. I on the other hand have a few scrapes, bruises and torn muscles, but I wouldn't have it any other way. The human mind and body are absolutely brilliant when faced with danger. You never know how you are going to react to any given situation until it's right in your face. Even so, the only thing I remember is starting to slip and then pulling Lily's head up from the water and freaking out. But somewhere in there my motherly instinct kicked in and saved the day. Thank god...

3 Months

Lily is still sick believe it or not, but feeling much better. This damn cough must run on energizer batteries cause it just keeps going and going and it still breaks my heart every time. Your 3 month old baby should not sound like an old man who's been smoking for 85 years!! But I have to say that Lily has been an absolute trouper throughout, only crying after coughing, but otherwise very happy and hardly fussy at all. She is super tough!

3 months really is a milestone. Within the last week we have seen drastic changes in Lily. She smiles ALOT now, almost anytime anyone looks at her and she's almost laughing! She is more content out of arms playing on her own for a bit so I can get stuff done, like eating. This has not been the case before now. She is also way less fussy and way less gassy. I have started to let a few of the many foods I was avoiding back into my diet and she seems to be doing fine. She is no longer a newborn, but a baby. She feels much more solid and stable, more independent and secure.

3 months is also a milestone for me too. Up until now I feel that I have been questioning whether I can really do this and still wondering when it was going to feel right. You know what? The first 3 months are hard work! But now, to see her smile at me when I'm not even doing anything, to have her communicating with me, giving back a little, it makes all the difference in the world. Devinder is in Vancouver this week working at Bard on Beach so I am home alone with Lily and you know, I really feel like that's okay, I CAN do this and I LOVE doing this. Everything just feels easier and I feel more accepting of my new roll of stay at home mom. Lily and I are becoming best friends and I love each and every moment we get to spend together.