2 Pink Lines

Airplanes

2011-03-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

I worry on a daily basis that I might just be completely fucking my children up. Who doesn't right? I like to think that I'm not, but you just never know.

One thing that I've done since my youngest Lily was born, was sing to my children as a part of their night time routine. I have what my sister has lead me to believe is a fairly nice singing voice. It's sounds in key and in tune to me and so I sing, night after night with the hopes that perhaps I am passing on some musicality to my children and I hope that I am not in fact damaging them and actually singing out of key and out of tune and sending them off into their future thinking they know how to sing, when in fact, they are doomed to singing off key and out of tune for the rest of their lives thanks to their mother singing as such night after night.

I am of course being a little over dramatic here. I sing because I love to sing. I love to snuggle up close to my children and sing them to sleep. It is a closeness that resonates with us all. Even Devinder who feels he doesn't have a strong singing voice, sings to his children. And they love it. Always have. It can be the worst of days, fighting, screaming, whining and the lot, but at the end of it all, you snuggle up and start singing and all is forgotten.

I am sitting down typing this right after leaving Oliver's bedroom, where I just finished singing to him. Only, the difference between singing to a boy and singing to a girl child, is the songs you end up singing. Lily and Nadia never really complained about what songs I chose to sing. I don't think it ever occurred to them that they might be able to choose a play list for their parents to obligingly follow. But Oliver, is another story. Oliver is a boy. And after having 2 girls before having this one lovely boy, I can state for a fact that the differences between boys and girls begins very early on. The exact date I cannot recall, but I think it started around 14 months. Suddenly out of nowhere, and despite the total lack of boy toys, Oliver began to pick out from the little options we had, toys and or books that had any sort of wheels or balls in them. Everywhere we would go he was constantly drawing our attention to cars, trucks, minivans, buses, trains, airplanes etc. It took us a while, but once we caught on, suddenly we had books, toys and clothing with cars, trucks, trains, diggers and most importantly airplanes on them. Yes airplanes, it turns out, are a favourite of Oliver's.

All that back story has been leading back to singing before bed. As I mentioned, the girls never changed the set list we would sing them night after night. Perhaps they realised how solid a set list it was, what with classics like Hush Little Baby, Irene Goodnight and Baby Mine. But Oliver had no shame in demanding we change it up a little. He was fine with the tunes, but the words, they had to go. Tonight's shining example of a tired Mother's brilliant creativity at the end of a long day is to the tune of Twinkle Little Star and it goes a little something like this:

Airplane Airplane in the Sky
How I wish that I could fly
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Airplane airplane in the sky
How I wish that I could fly

And then he went to sleep, in my arms and without knowing it, was absorbing all my amazing songwriting talent that will not fuck him up and will in fact guide him in this world to be a better person, full of love and compassion and hopefully some musical genius too.

So goodnight my lovely boy. I love you and your love of airplanes with all my heart and a little wonder for the future that you might become a talented musician or perhaps an airplane pilot. Until then, sweet dreams...

My Beautiful Children

2011-03-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

Oliver is nearly 2!!!! Lily is 5!! And Nadia is 3 1/2!! Where oh where has the time gone...

Much Improved

2010-02-06T20:39:00.000-08:00

My dear cousins pointed out to me this evening that it has been nearly 3 months since my last post. I was quite shocked actually. I had honestly altogether forgotten that I even had a blog. Not that I don't have a million things floating around my head everyday that would suit just fine as blog topics. Mostly it is time, time is precious and no I don't have a lot of time these days and when I do have time I want to do lame things like curl up with a book or go to bed early or watch Californication.

But I can't leave you all hanging since the last blog was titled "Terrible."

Things are in fact not terrible. Things are much improved. How might you ask have they improved? Well...

...I managed to successfully wean Nadia down to just a morning feed and a night feed. And how did I do that? Well...

...I took some advice from my dad although I wasn't too happy with his advice giving at the time. In a nutshell he told me that I needed to take control and deal with it. The methods in which he might have used to solve my dilemma would have been drastically different so I fumed inwardly for days at his suggestion until a light bulb went off and I realised I didn't have to go about it his way, but I could still take his advice and good could come of it.

So I did what my dad suggested. I took control and dealt with it. I woke up one morning, I think it was a couple days after Christmas and I told Nadia that we would no longer be having boobie during the day. I told her that she was a big girl now and she didn't need boobie during the day because she ate food. I told her that I was feeling too tired breastfeeding her and Oliver all day. I told her I would be happy to breastfeed her in the morning when she woke up and at night before bed. Then I went to work which helped.

Just before it was time for me to come home from work I called Devinder to tell him to remind Nadia that when I got home she would not be having to boobie til it was night night time. There was crying when I got home and I told her it was okay to feel sad and I still loved her. I stayed strong. I distracted her with games, books, cuddles and tickles instead of doing the dishes, laundry and other household chores that took my attention away from her. By day 3 she stopped crying after I would say "no." After that she would still ask for boobie but when I would say "no" she would move onto some other activity.

And that was that.

Now my time with Nadia is awesome. Before, every second of the day she would want boobie and if I said no she would have a total screaming fit til I caved in. Now we have lovely days at home together where we cuddle up and she tells me stories and we talk and laugh and play together and I am not a slave to her boobie madness!

And that is how it went down.

And that is why things are much improved.

Next post hopefully sooner than later!

Terrible

2009-11-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

Wow, has it really been 3 months since I last updated? What can I say, life is hectic and crazy busy and my brain is pretty mushy by the time the kids are in bed.

For a while there I really believed that 3 children and a new business was no big deal. I really thought life was grand and we had everything under control. Then Nadia changed. Nadia turned 2 and we hardly even noticed the small creature that was growing inside her, lurking under her skin, waiting to attack!

I exaggerate, but seriously, they call them terrible for a reason. Suddenly life with the 3 amigos is not so chummy.

I think it hit me that things had changed when I one day realised that I yell - a lot - and I really don't like yelling. In fact it's not a form of parenting that I ever wanted to get into. I want to be patient. I want to figure out solutions to my children's problems in a calm and collected manner. I want to work with my children, listen to their ideas and teach them through my actions what is wrong and what is right. I never got into this whole parenting thing so I could yell at my offspring.

But sometimes, I just get that rage that builds up inside of me and it comes out in a rather loud ROOOAAAARRRR!! I scare them. I scare myself. I don't feel better after. Usually the problem I couldn't fix without yelling didn't magically fix itself with yelling added on. Then I hear Lily yelling at Nadia for something and I know that my behaviour as the adult, has taught Lily to act just like me.

Suddenly life with 3 is hard. Nadia won't listen. Nadia likes to bite and hit and pinch Lily and usually it's all 3 things on Lily's face. Lily screams at Nadia and in pain. I try to comfort Lily while sending Nadia to her room. Nadia picks her brother up. She drops him. He cries. I get upset. She hits me because I told her not to do something. I tell her not to hit me. She starts screaming and throws herself on the ground and has a fit. I try to comfort her and she hits me again. Then she hits Oliver. I get really upset and send her to her room. She won't go. I drag her there while Oliver and Lily are screaming and Nadia is still having a screaming fit. I feel stressed. I feel rage. I yell. Everyone is still screaming. Nothing is solved except now they are scared of me for yelling. Eventually everything stops and they carry on as if nothing happened, but I feel awful. And then it happens all over again 5 minutes later and repeats over and over again until I'm totally insane.

That's just one example.

Example number 2. Nadia has decided she wants boobie again ALL THE TIME! She was only nursing before and after her nap and once in the morning and once before bed at night. I was okay with this since I am still nursing Oliver full time. But them she went and changed the rules and now demands boobie all day long. I am sure this is a reaction to me going back to work 3 days a week, but I really don't want to be nursing 2 children full time. She won't be told no either. If I say no she screams and cries and has a fit and it doesn't end it just keeps going and going and going until she's so upset and I am so angry. I have given in now. I don't want to have these negative feeling towards her. If I continue to say no all the time then my whole day with her will be her screaming at me and me just hating being at home with her. Sometimes though I still have to say no. Sometimes I have to nurse Oliver or it is simply not a good time to nurse her. We still have fights over it and it's very frustrating and just plain annoying.

And there are many many more examples.

This is why I have not updated in a while. I do have positive things to say. There are good times. But my head is constantly filled with all this other dreadfully awful stuff that it just pours out of me. I worry all the time that I am not parenting well enough. I feel claustrophobic and often prefer going to work rather than staying home. I'm sure things will change. Nadia will grow up. Lily is a dream child at almost 4 years old. Oliver is the sweetest damn thing I have ever laid eyes on. Things will get easier I'm sure of it. But right now, I am in the thick of it and it's stressful.

Oh and in case you were wondering, I am so not having anymore children!

Nadia is 2!

2009-08-21T10:31:00.001-07:00

We celebrated Nadia's second birthday last week with a lovely potluck in the backyard. I can't believe she is 2 already! And what a 2 year old she is, smart, talkative, witty, playful and defiant. You tell that girl "no" and you will absolutely get a tantrum out of her. Ahhhh 2 year olds! At least I've been here before so I know how it goes and can just shrug it off most of the time. Luckily there is a lot more to this 2 year old. Like her amazing ability to hear airplanes and trains far off in the distance long before any of our older ears can hear them. Nadia is incredibly affectionate and if she could she would hug every kid, baby, animal or adult for as long as humanly possible. She loves her brother and tries to pick him up constantly, a bit of a worry if I have to leave the room for a second - but so far so good. She is an animal lover and is great friends with the many ants in our yard. Somehow she can pick them up without squishing them, play with them, talk to them and then let them go unharmed. Nadia is incredibly patient and willing to take the time to figure things out til she gets it right. She is fully in charge of what she wears and I am not really allowed to pick out her clothes. For the most part she comes out of her room looking alright, but occasionally I feel a little embarrassed leaving the house with her in her newest outfit of choice. But I love that she is expressing herself so wonderfully.

So Happy Birthday Nadia my love, you are amazing - keep up the good work!

3 Months!!!

2009-07-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

It's true, it's true, tomorrow Oliver will be 3 months old!! These past 3 months have been such a blur of activity that I can hardly remember any of it. Thankfully I have had my beautiful son attached to me the whole time and I feel like we are a pretty good team. I couldn't have asked for a better 3rd baby, a baby who has been so calm and confident through all the craziness of our new business. Oliver seems to know what I need right now, and mainly that is sleep. The boy sleeps better than me most nights and certainly waaaay better than his sisters ever did. Last night he slept for 7 straight hours and the norm is usually 6 straight hours. For a breastfed baby I believe that is pretty good, and considering my history of bad sleeping children I couldn't be happier!

As for Oliver himself, he is such a little sweetheart. He smiles at almost anyone or anything. He is starting to laugh too and I just love his early baby laugh. It looks like he will keep the blue eyes to match mine and Lily's and they are just the prettiest little eyes!

As for measurements he is 12lbs and 23" long. I looked up the girls measurements at 3 months and Lily was 10lbs 21" and Nadia was 11lbs 22" long. Interesting progression! He seems very long to me, his arms and his legs especially. He is getting chubby, but most of his gain is in length not girth.

I am totally in love with my little boy. Lily and Nadia are still quite enamored with him. In fact Nadia is so insistent on holding him all the time that she freaks out if she can't hold him. Lily just randomly gives him kisses and hugs and both of them like to feed him pretend food and read him books. My heart swells...

Potty Trained!

2009-06-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

YAY AND HURRAY AND YIPPEE!!

Nadia started potty training HERSELF about 2 months ago. Out of no where she decided she would start going pee on the potty. She'd whip off her own diaper and run to the potty. We encouraged her and found that when we let her hang out in the house with no diaper on she would almost always make it to the potty. As soon as we'd put on her diaper she would make it about 50% of the time. Just in the last couple weeks she started to go to the potty regardless of whether she was wearing a diaper or not, but she was still going poop every time in her diaper or if she didn't have one on she would make us put one on her so she could go poop in it.

But the last 3 days she has been accident free, leaving the house in underwear AND she is now successfully making it to the potty to make her poops EVERY TIME!!

I am so very proud of her and so very relieved to have less laundry and 2 children out of diapers!!

Thank you Nadia...

You've Certainly Got Your Hands Full!

2009-06-07T19:01:00.000-07:00

That is one of the most repeated comments when people see me with my 3 children. I just smile and say "yes" cause what else am I to say? It's true I do have my hands full, but the comment is also a whole pile of questions in one - are you okay? Are you happy? Are you crazy? And while I always just say "yes" because it's really what people want to hear, sometimes I would like to go into more detail about just how crazy it really is, but of course I've got my hands full so there isn't really a lot of time for details like that.

I think it really hit me about 2 weeks ago when the boy turned 6 weeks. Along with his baby acne came feelings I expected to feel a lot sooner but really hadn't yet. I suddenly came down from my high and finally had the thought "hey this is hard work!" I tried to ignore it and go back to that happy place, that place where I felt confident and excited and energetic. I do feel these things still, but there are many more negative thoughts as well.

I am finding myself more frustrated and quick to yell these days. Never at the sweet little Oliver baby because it occurred to me that he does less crying and whining than the girls do. Some days all I want to do is hang out with my boy in the calm and gentle manner of babies and yet I am constantly denied this precious time to go tend to some disaster in toddler land. I do suspect that the babymoon for the girls has worn off too, although they continue to wow me with their love for their brother. There are many cute moments in the day and there are plenty of happy fun times too. However the tantrums, outbursts and lack of listening has increased to a level I am not too sure I can handle.

I often look forward to going to work, something I am ashamed to admit. I know it is easier to go to work than to stay at home even if I am working with Oliver. Easier because I am not just cleaning up one mess after another. Easier because people at work talk to me in a language I can understand and they always say please and never yell and scream at me. Easier because I don't hear things like "Ahhhhhhh I can't get bite my own elbow ahhhhhhh" which is just one of the things a very tired Lily was screaming about this afternoon. I laughed of course, but she was seriously pissed off about not being able to accomplish this feat and it took a long time to calm her down and help her understand that it simply isn't possible to do that.

So yes, I do have my hands full these days, full of love but also full of googly gobbly little monkeys who try my patience and test their boundaries every chance they get.

Work

2009-05-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

I am no longer a stay at home mom. Well I guess I am a part time stay at home mom. I have been working in our juice bar 3 days a week since we opened 3 weeks ago. Oliver is our youngest employee as he comes to work with me in the office. I haven't worked in 3 1/2 years and my goodness it's exhausting. Then again, after working 3 days in a row and then being at home with the kids, it's debatable which job is more exhausting. Just different I guess. The great thing is that my husband is at home with the girls on the days that I am at work and when he goes to work I stay home. It's a fabulous arrangement and exactly the reason for buying the juice bar.

Even though their daddy is at home when I leave for work, it's still hard to walk out the door. Yet at the same time, I enjoy using my mushy brain at work and the camaraderie of staff and customers - people who talk without whining and don't need me to wipe their bums - it's a nice change of pace for me. Still, I find myself wanting to be at home when I am at work. Maybe I can finally understand how Devinder must have felt going to work all day and coming home to hear wonderful stories of all the great adventures we'd had that day. It's so great to know that your children and partner were having a great time while you were at work, but heartbreaking that you weren't there to share in it all.

Buying this business was a great decision and I love walking through the doors and knowing that it's mine. It's so nice to not have a boss anymore. I am working yet I am mothering my son at the same time. I am pretty sure no one else would have hired me with a newborn attached to the breast. Some days, or rather some hours in each day are a little bit frustrating and not entirely fair to poor Oliver. Trying to get work done with a screaming baby is not always the easiest thing to do. Typing one handed while breastfeeding and talking on the phone is not preferred over typing and talking on the phone while your baby sleeps peacefully in the cuddly wrap. I find that I loose my train of thought constantly and I'm sure it is taking me 10 times as long to get work done than it would if I did not have a baby tied to me.

We knew when this business was offered to us that the closing date would fall right around Oliver's due date, yet still we proceeded, convinced that although the first year would be difficult for me, for our family, in the end owning the juice bar would be the best thing ever. I am still convinced.

4 Weeks Old

2009-05-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

So much to say, so little time and one handed typing these days is more like no handed typing. So please enjoy these pictures of Oliver and his sisters who remain his biggest fans.

Oliver's Due Date

2009-04-23T19:22:00.001-07:00

Seems strange to think that I could still be pregnant. Oliver is only 12 days old but it's like he's always been here and I couldn't imagine life without him.

So do you like how I just slipped his name in there like that? Did you notice? We've been calling him Oliver for about a week now but only just decided tonight that we couldn't imagine calling him anything else so it is officially his name. Oliver has been on my list since I was pregnant with Lily. If it was a girl I wanted her to be named Lilian and if it was a boy, then Oliver. Our list had gotten a lot longer since Lily was born and it was hard to rule out all the other wonderful names we've both added to it over the years. But in the end, I just couldn't get Oliver out of my head and whenever I looked at him I just saw Oliver. Devinder also likes the name and agrees that it would be strange to call him anything other than Oliver now. Lily calls him Elevator and Nadia calls him Alwer or something like that. Still haven't 100% decided on a middle name, but we still have 18 more days to do that!

1 Week Old

2009-04-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

Well after one week I am still flying high. I keep waiting for the usual crash that comes about 3-5 days after I give birth, but it hasn't come yet and maybe it never will. It is a nice change from the slight depression that plagued me most of my pregnancy. I didn't tear so my bottom is pretty much healed and I've been going for walks every day and feeling fantastic and full of energy. I am tired too, underneath it all, but I am happy, really really happy. I am still quite elated and shocked that we have a boy. It's so taboo to admit that you really want one sex over the other, so taboo that I didn't even fully admit it to myself. But I must have really wanted a boy because I am just so excited to have one.

And what a boy! He is just so amazing. He is so calm and patient and quiet and beautiful. He lost a bit of weight while my milk was still coming in, but at today's weigh in he has nearly gained back his birth weight and is sitting at 5lbs 11oz. We have only had one really rough night and other than that he has been sleeping amazingly well. The past 2 nights in a row he has slept 6 hours straight, from 9:30pm to 3:30am. I have had to get up and pump around 1:30am because I am so horribly engorged. I love snuggling up to him all night long. Just knowing how fast they grow up is making me savour every little thing, especially since I have such a strong feeling that this is our last child. I didn't know I would feel this way, but I think now that we have a boy I am done. I have loved being pregnant and giving birth, and I love newborns, they are just so precious, but I think I am ready to move onto a new chapter in our lives.

The girls have been absolutely amazing during this transitional time. They are fascinated with their little brother and are eager to help change his diaper and fetch things for us. They love holding him and kissing him and so far there has been only one bout of jealousy. I was holding the boy and Nadia decided she wanted me all to herself and so she tried to push him off my lap. Other than that, she has been wonderful. Since my milk has come in she greatly looks forward to her nursing sessions before her nap and before bed at night. She has asked a few times to nurse during the day but hasn't freaked out about being told no while I feed her brother in front of her. So I am completely content with our nursing relationship, I am not overwhelmed with nursing 2 children because she only nurses twice a day. I am quite happy that she is still nursing, that we still have that bond and closeness together. Even Lily is getting some breast milk because I have been giving her the milk that I pump in the night. I am thrilled to be feeding all my babies right now.

As for his name, we have been using a name for the past 3-4 days, but we haven't officially committed yet. Rest assured that when we do, you all will know...

The birth of our son

2009-04-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

I cheated a little bit and got the midwife to get this labour going a little before it's time by doing a cervical sweep at Noon on Friday morning. You see, in and amoungst my Nettie's passing and funeral we are also in the process of buying a juice bar in Courtenay. The takeover date is May 1st and in the next coming weeks we have the most amount of work to do to prepare for the grand opening. If we had had any control over the timing of this business we would never have chosen the exact time our son was to be born. But I am certain that buying this juice bar is the right thing for our family so we just went with the flow.

These last couple weeks have been very stressful for me. I was unable to find space in my body and in my head to birth this baby. My body was on it's way to birthing this baby sometime next week, but then this lovely 4 day long Easter weekend presented itself to us and our midwife happily helped speed up the process.

After the sweep I tried desperately to not go into full on wait mode, just in case the cervical sweep didn't work. I was trying to just relax and enjoy our last day as a family of 4. We hung out in the yard and did some gardening and went for a walk through the woods. It was sunny out and it was indeed very relaxing. After the kid's went to bed we caught up on some old episodes of LOST and went to bed around 11:30pm. Had I known I would wake up just 1 1/2 hours later in labour, I would have gone to bed much earlier!

So yes around 1am I groggily realised that I was dreaming about having regular contractions and I woke up enough to start timing them. They were very regular and coming every 4-5 minutes. They weren't overly painful but they were more intense than any of the contractions I had been having prior to then. I timed them for about an hour and then woke Devinder up to announce I thought I was in labour. He exclaimed "I knew it!" and hopped out of bed and started getting the house and the birth pool ready. We decided to call the midwife since she had made it clear that she wanted to get here with plenty of time to set up her gear. Because our last 2 labours progressed from the 5 minute apart contractions to meeting our babies in lightning fast time, she thought she should come over right away even though it was 2:30am. I called my parents as well still with the thought that every body should get here quickly so they don't miss anything. Ohhhh hindsight...but we just didn't know at the time.

I hopped in the shower and Devinder continued to prepare our house for the birth. Deborah got here just after 3am and when she checked me I was 4cm dilated so she started to set up all her gear. My parents arrived around 3:30am and then Devinder's mom woke up and came upstairs. There was a party like atmosphere and it was quite a joyous and celebratory affair with me squatting and leaning on the couch every 5 minute to breathe through a contraction. This went on for about an hour when suddenly I started to feel pressure to perform and I just couldn't relax. My contractions were starting to dip in intensity and I quickly realised that I couldn't have a room full of people sitting around waiting for this labour to happen quickly like my previous labours. I got everyone to go downstairs and try to get some sleep and I sent Devinder to bed so at least one of us would have some sleep under their belt. I sat up with Deborah (the midwife) for a while and then we both agreed that perhaps I was just tired and should also go lie down.

So Deborah slept on the couch and I crawled into bed and slept in between contractions. In this weird hazy waking sleep I had 2 very significant dreams. In the first dream I heard a voice, maybe mine, maybe the baby's, say "Okay I'm ready now." In the second dream I heard my own voice exclaim "It's a boy, can you believe it, we actually had a boy!"

Then Nadia woke up around 6am, which is an hour early for her. So I went in and breastfed her hoping she would go back to sleep and also hoping the breastfeeding would stimulate some more contractions. At this point they were 5, then 6, then 8, then 5, then 10 minutes apart - all over the map and no longer regular. They were still intense, but not at all rhythmic. Nadia did not go back to sleep so Devinder got up with her and went downstairs so Deborah and I could try to keep sleeping. Lily woke up around 7am and I got up with her. The little bit of sleep that I did get was pretty good for me and I felt stronger and more ready to have a baby.

As I was going through the normal everyday routine of getting the girls dressed, making breakfast etc, my contractions started up again. I think because I was no longer thinking about them, instead I was just going on with my day like I do everyday. Instead of my mind trying to control my body and make it labour faster, my body was able to just do it's own thing with my mind happily distracted on my usual morning routine.

We had a really nice breakfast with my parents, Devinder's mom, Deborah and the girls. My contractions were back up to 5 minutes apart and it was fun having my dad timing them for me. After breakfast I had a few really intense contractions and it was suddenly very crampy and painful in between contractions. I announced that I thought I might like to go into the pool soon. But when we checked my dilation I was only just barely 6cm, making progress, but too soon to go into the pool in case it stopped labour altogether.

So I went for a nice walk through the woods with my mom. It was so good to be outside in the fresh air and to not just be waiting around the house for everything to happen. On the walk I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes. We went home so I could pee and Deborah checked my dilation. I was almost 7cm and definately making progress. So Devinder and Lily and I went for another walk through the woods and I continued to have strong contractions every 3-4 minutes. It was so nice to be outside and these walks were really the highlight of the whole labour. It was so sunny and warm out and just so nice to be walking and not just waiting.

When we got back to the house I felt a shift and my contractions really started to get intense and very regular. I think it was about 10am. I made some food and ate it quickly so I would have enough energy to finish the job. I was labouring on the living room floor in child's pose and Lily was helping to rub my back and stroke my hair. Having her there really helped keep me strong and her funny comments kept it all in perspective. It was finally time to get in the pool and Lily shouted out a big "hurray Mumma's going in the pool!"

The pool was a relief as I was pretty crampy even between contractions. I got out once to pee and the difference in pain was incredible, I don't know how woman have land births! My sister finally arrived and I think because I was waiting for her to get here I was not allowing my body to continue to open up. Once she was here my mind went "okay great, everything is in it's place I'm ready to do this." And do this I did. I went from the normal intense contraction which lasts about 1 minute with a nice 2 minute break before the next one, to one continuous contraction that did not stop until he was born. My body just shot open to 10cm and it was incredibly painful and fast. I was a lot more in my own body this time, barely able to speak or look around the room. I could hear people talking but I was so caught up in my own pain that I am not really sure what was going on.

At one point I had to chant affirmations to myself in my head so I could make it through. I kept saying "I can do this, this is what my body was made to do. I can do this, I have to do this, because nobody else can do it for me." Then I had to visualize the baby coming out and the pain ending otherwise I thought I was just going to give up altogether.

I was a lot more vocal this time than with Nadia and after a particularly loud contraction I looked up to see Lily in her Grammy's arms with a very worried look on her face. Because I was much more focused on my pain this time around I almost forgot that she was even there. I mustered enough energy to give her a smile and tell her that I was okay and that these are just the noises that mumma's make when they are breathing their babies out. She just looked at me and said "it's okay mumma I'm really proud of you." My heart melted and I felt strong again.

I was having a hard time breathing all the way deep down through my belly and out my bottom, but then once I realised that I was having a hard time doing this I found the strength and managed to do it. Once I was breathing properly I really felt like the end was near. My body was starting to push and I breathed right through my body and helped give a great big push and suddenly my waters broke. There was a couple of minutes of relief where the pressure was less and I was able to refuel with some carrot juice. Then my body started up again and I had maybe 3 more strong pushing contractions and then the head was out and then the body and then I was holding our new baby!

I think everyone, including myself was quite surprised when the head popped out. Not that I couldn't feel it, because holy crap yes I could feel it, but again I was comparing it to Nadia's birth and it took so much longer and so much more effort to get her head out. Silly me for thinking this birth would be anything like my past 2 births. This baby is unique in every way, so wouldn't the birth be? In fact this baby is so unique that there is a perfect little penis right where I thought I would see a vagina!! Deborah said she wished she could have got a picture of my face when I saw that it was a boy! My weird labour dream was right and I think I shouted out the exact same words "Oh my god it's a boy, can you believe it!!!"

So in hindsight I wish that we had not called in the troupes so early on, but we really were just so caught up in our past births instead of just going with the flow of this one. Having already had 2 births in no way made me an expert. Every one is different and special in it's own way. All in all I can't really complain about a thing. I had tremendous support and love all throughout. Devinder was as usual, a fabulous birth partner, Lily was incredible, just amazing to have there. Nadia wasn't at all into my labour pains and she hung out downstairs with her grandparents. She's still not quite sure what to make of the baby and has surprisingly been keeping her distance from him, occassionally kissing him but mostly just giving him funny looks. I am able to write this birth story only a day after it happened thanks to all the help Devinder and our family's have to give. The kids are out hunting for easter eggs at my parent's house today and Devinder and I have had most of the day to ourselves to bask in the amazing beauty of our son.

Our son, (I can't believe we have a son), is so calm and patient and quiet. He's still coughing up a bit of amniotic fluid but he's handling it like a real trouper. He latched on right away and is peeing a pooping like he's been doing it his whole life. He is small, 5lbs 12oz, but he is strong and healthy and very alert. We are still deciding on a name. I guess it goes to show just how much we really thought we were having another girl, because although we had a list of boy names that we like, we had not yet narrowed it down.

So there you have it, the birth of our wonderful son, born at 38 weeks 2 days, Saturday April 11, 2009 around noon in our birth pool at home. Welcome home little man...

Our son - name coming soon...

2009-04-11T22:04:00.000-07:00

Them old wives tales...

2009-04-11T02:14:00.000-07:00

Spin little ring, spin. Suspended from a thin string, the ritual performed at night within a circle of matrons. Round 'n round, close to the tummy, the girls closely huddled, squinting and laughing along with the mummy. It spins first one way, then the other. The ring never lies. The wedding band the truer test for the closer to the heart, the closer to the truth. Its a girl! But this turning was wrongly read. Its a boy! No really, its a boy! I have broken from the family's triptych tradition... Just past noon, our new babe rests with eyes wide open 'cross his mother's bosom. The family coos and clucks, but none the prouder than this dad for his wife.

Dear Lily and Nadia

2009-04-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

You are about to become a big sister for the first time Nadia and Lily for the second time. I am so excited for you and yet I am feeling a little sad that our time together will be changed forever. I know you are going to love being big sisters to this baby. I know you are going to be such big helpers, but I am sure there are going to be tough times too til we all settle into a new routine and the baby finally feels like it's always been here.

Nadia, I am the most concerned about you. On one hand, you are so full of love, you are gentle and kind and easy going. On the other hand, you are slightly possessive of me. Our nursing relationship has had to change quite dramatically due to my decreasing iron levels and although you have taken to the changes like a champ, I still know that deep down you wish you could be nursing full time. I hope you will understand when the baby comes and you see him/her nursing all the time that it is not favourtism and that I still love you as much as I've always loved you. I hope you won't take it personally and that you won't take it out on me or the baby. I also hope I am worrying for nothing - after all you are a very intelligent girl, so smart you blow my mind every single day with your brilliance.

Lily, it has been the most wonderful thing to have shared this pregnancy with you. You are so excited by every little kick and flutter and you yourself have been carrying around a belly full babies for the past 9 months. You have birthed them a few times already and I just love your enthusiasm for the whole process. You have been really into watching Nadia's birth video and some other birth videos from YouTube. I really hope that the timing of this birth works out so you can watch your little brother or sister being born. Of course if you don't want to you can always go downstairs and your Grandma and Grampa will take good care of you and bring you up to meet the baby after it is born.

Nadia if you are curious your Grandma can bring you upstairs to witness the birth as well. I do worry slightly that you will be freaked out or worried about me and want to climb into the pool with me. I know you will have lot's of helping hands to take care of you so if it's better for you to stay away and just let me do my thing then I hope you will understand.

Thank you to my wonderful daughters for making this such a magical experience. It is easy for me to forget the wonder of it all and to get caught up in the day to day exhaustion of growing a baby while raising two children. But you have kept it real for me and I really appreciate that. I can't wait to see you hold your new brother or sister for the first time. I can't wait to be a family of five...

38 Weeks

2009-04-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

I will be 38 weeks tomorrow and I don't think there is anyone out there more surprised than myself that I have made it this far. The odds have been stacked against me since the beginning. Either this baby just really likes keeping warm, or s/he knows that it has just been too crazy out here to come yet. I think this baby wants centre stage and is not going to come out til we can focus all our attention on him/her.

I feel anytime after today is a good time. We had my Nettie's funeral today and although it was hard, it feels good at the same time. Good to really feel like I've said goodbye properly. I will miss her for a very long time, perhaps even for the rest of my life. I had crazy thoughts of letting the midwives sweep my membranes at Monday's appointment so Nettie could meet our little bambino today, but I am certain that she is watching over us all and she is so much a part of me that she has already met this baby I am sure. I am glad that I just let nature take it's own course, because...

...I am starting to loose my mucus plug. The last 2 births happened 5-7 days after I first started to loose my plug. So quite possibly less than a week and although you can never really predict these things, I feel like it might even happen as soon as the weekend. We shall see if my prediction comes true or not...

At my midwife appointment on Monday I was 85% effaced and 2cm dilated. I feel like I am 100% effaced now, which must mean the baby is fully engaged and ready to go, because the head is practically bulging out. Such a pleasant image I know! I have a ton of downward pelvic pressure and I'm definitely walking like a cowgirl now. Yeee haw!

Sadness

2009-04-04T20:13:00.000-07:00

My Nettie died last night. She has been battling lung cancer for a while now. It's a horrible way to go, but thankfully she was surrounded by her children and husband when she took her last breath. She told me just a few days ago, before she lost the ability to speak at all, that she was hoping to meet this next baby of ours. Actually she said she was hoping to meet "her" and we all thought she might just hang on long enough to realise that dream. For a while I felt like I controlled the end of her life. If I could just keep this baby in there long enough then we could have that much more time with her. But I know she was really just trying to tell me that she was going soon.

There is relief in her passing, only because she is finally at peace and no longer in pain. When the catheter went in at the beginning of the week we all kind of accepted that she was never going to get out of her bed again. She had already stopped living at that point and her body was failing her at a rapid pace. I've never seen a dead person before and I was a little afraid for reasons I can't really explain. But she looked so beautiful and calm when I said goodbye to her this afternoon, so totally at peace and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I am too sad to have this baby right now. So full up with emotions of loss rather than excitement. We blew up the birth pool tonight and finished the last of the laundry. Our house is ready but I am not. I feel like once I can let all this sadness go, once I have found some order and meaning out of the chaos in my head, then this baby will come running to us and life will start anew.

37 Weeks

2009-04-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

We did it! Thank you baby for staying put long enough so we can have our homebirth. Now to get our home ready for your arrival. We made a long list of things to do, laundry, cleaning the pool, buying birth supplies etc...and my goodness it REALLY seems real now! Still having constant pelvic pressure and hip pain so the baby is still moving down and getting ready, but no steady or regular contractions yet so I really think we still have at least a week if not more. Of course this baby could come completely differently from the way Lily and Nadia came! They do like to keep us on our toes and always guessing. I am going to try to not go into wait mode and just enjoy this last bit of pregnancy. I am going to embrace each kick and jab and poke from the inside and treasure these last weeks of being a round beautiful glowing goddess...

36 Weeks 5 Days

2009-03-31T10:31:00.000-07:00

2 days to go til we are 37 weeks and I've no doubt we will make it there and beyond. I feel such relief! I so badly wanted to give Lily the opportunity to attend this birth and she probably wouldn't have been able to if we had to go to a hospital. Also I just really want her to see that a birth can be fun and relaxing and natural and I don't think a hospital birth would have got that message across as nicely as a home birth. She has been watching Nadia's birth video and a few select birth videos from YouTube and she is VERY into the whole birth process. She's even given birth a few times herself! I have to say that sharing this pregnancy with Lily who is waaay older than she was the last time she became a big sister, has been the best part about this pregnancy. Her face lights up and she squeals with delight whenever she feels the baby kicking. She really "gets" the magic and wonder that is growing new life and I am sure this baby is going to feel so welcomed and loved by it's sister's right away. S/he should feel right at home amoungst all the giggling voices, screaming and singing s/he has been listening to in utero for the past 9 months. I am quite excited for this baby to come home.

As for labour signs, at this point there aren't that many. The baby is slowly moving back down again and I am experiencing that lovely pelvic pressure and hip pain that accompanies that. My contractions are strong when I move around alot or pick the girls up too much, but nothing regular so I feel I've a ways to go still. The big joke here is that I'm going to have a really big baby this time - maybe even a 6 pounder!!! Well, we can always hope...

35 Week Midwife Appointment

2009-03-25T16:18:00.001-07:00

Sorry to leave you all in the dark. A number of people have contacted me wondering if I'd had our baby since I did not update you after my midwife appointment. Sorry to disappoint, but we have not had our baby yet - thankfully cause we still have 9 more days to go!!

The midwife appointment was very positive actually. The baby is still head down but it has rotated on it's head and is now kicking me out the left side instead of the right. This is good news because usually once the head is engaged then the baby is no longer able to rotate and as we all know, once it is engaged it is ready to come out. So it seems to have lifted up and decided to stay put a little longer, which I sort of guessed because the intense pelvic pressure I was experiencing has suddenly disappeared. I am still having a ton of contractions though, so I am still on modified bed rest, taking it easy as much as I can. They did not want to do a cervical check as they didn't want to disturb anything.

I have noticed that I have back to back contractions immediately after I breastfeed Nadia. I haven't given you the update on that for a while. I did wean her during the day and I am only breastfeeding her before her nap and before bed. The day weaning was difficult at first, but she adjusted remarkably well and rather quickly. She still likes to have her hand down my shirt as much as possible and she still asks for it, but when I say no, she no longer screams her bloody head off. It is because of this still rather intense attachment to breastfeeding that I have not quit entirely. I have not checked my iron levels recently, but I have been feeling a bit more energetic so I have decided that I am okay with our current breastfeeding relationship. As for the contractions that happen following breastfeeding, I will monitor it and if Devinder has to put her to bed for the next 9 days then that will be that.

So holding strong at 35 weeks 5 days...

35 Weeks

2009-03-23T21:31:00.001-07:00

Holding steady at 35 weeks 3 days. We have to make it another 11 days til we're 37 weeks. I am still having strong contractions and a lot of pelvic pressure but I am hopeful that we will make it, after all, we have been here before and both times we made it just fine. We have an appointment with the midwife tomorrow morning and we will find out if I have dilated more or if my cervix has thinned anymore. A lot of you wondered how it's possible to go on bed rest, even modified bed rest with 2 children. It certainly is difficult, but I am lucky that I have tremendous support from my family and friends, not to mention my husband. The biggest helping hand comes from his parents who are staying in the suite downstairs and are there for us whenever we need it. They are active participants in our children's lives, make us dinner and take over child duties as much as they can. We definately could not do this without them and we are forever grateful for their love. Thank you to all of you who have left such encouraging comments. It means a lot to have your support.

Onward we go...

Modified Bed Rest

2009-03-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

Well, the craziness has officially begun. I am 35 weeks tomorrow and I have been having insanely strong and crampy contractions since yesterday afternoon. I am even starting to slowly lose my mucus plug. My baby is trying to engage and the head is so far down I can't help but walk with an exaggerated waddle. It's very attractive! So far I am no more dilated than I was last week which was 2 1/2 cm and considered normal given this is my 3rd baby. My cervix is starting to thin, but is still long enough for now. I have been told to lay down as much as possible because everytime I move I have strong contractions. I really need to hang on for 2 more weeks so I will be 37 weeks and can have my home birth. Also, the hospital in town doesn't deal with preterm births, so I would have to leave town to have this baby. My midwife painted a grim tale of possibly needing to fly to Vancouver or even Seattle if there were no beds available on the island. Mostly I think she just wanted me to understand that 2 weeks of bed rest is waaaaaay easier and preferable to having this baby early. I agree 100%!

I feel frustrated and worried of course. I keep thinking it must all be in my head, that I can't possibly be going through this AGAIN! But then I stand up and have 3 contractions in a row and know that this is just how my babies like to come. My friend Rebecca said we are just too much fun and this baby can't wait to be a part of our exciting lives. She suggested that we try to be a little more borring!!

At the same time, I have this super excited feeling - holy cow we're going to have a baby and SOON! Just a little bit longer there wee one, just a little bit longer...

Weaning Nadia

2009-03-02T19:26:00.000-08:00

After 32 weeks of being totally unsure about whether or not to wean Nadia before this next baby arrives, I have finally made the decision to go ahead and wean her. It has almost everything to do with my low iron and constant tiredness. I remember how totally drained I was when I was nursing both Lily and Nadia, I don't think I can handle nursing 2 children again. It's unfortunate, because I really do believe in child led weaning and I worry constantly that I am damaging her emotionally. On the other hand, I know that she is eating a healthy well balanced diet and doesn't necessarily need the boobie for nourishment. She will be just fine. I just feel like I am breaking her heart and I am feeling the loss of that bond already.

It's only been 3 days, but so far she is handling it like a champ. I had already night weaned her at the beginning of this pregnancy so I just need to cut out the daytime feeds and the feeds before bed. I have not given her any boobie during the day for the past 3 days and instead offered her water, food, a book, a tickle or some other close activity which distracts her from wanting the boobie. A cuddle is hard to aquire from her in place of it because she just keeps moving in for the kill. I know from weaning Lily that there is a bit of an adjustment period and eventually we will be able to cuddle without her pulling at my shirt and twisting her body into the nursing position. The most important thing right now is to stick with it 100% because the wavering will only make it harder on both of us. My goal is to have her weaned long before this baby arrives so she will not be incredibly jealous and heartbroken watching the new baby nurse day and night. I certainly wouldn't want her to take out her emotions on the baby, or on me for that matter.

I will keep you "abreast" of the situation as we continue further along this murky and emotional path.

31 Weeks

2009-02-23T13:49:00.001-08:00

I have magically started sleeping better. I have no explanation for this but I am quite happy about it. I hope that my increase in iron and change in the way I was taking my iron is largely the cause of this wonderful and greatly needed change. I still feel quite tired during the day, but I no longer lie in bed awake for hours trying to fall asleep. I have even slept straight through the night, no pees, no rolling over - just sweet precious sleep for 6 or so straight hours. My back hurt from not moving and my lord did I ever have to pee when I woke up, but hallelujah, I slept!!

One thing that I think I have failed to mention, is that I stopped washing my hair with shampoo back in December. I just thought I would give it a try as I have heard that pregnant women don't need to wash their hair because of all the wonderful hormones we are blessed with. I brush my hair before I get into the shower to bring all of my natural oils to the surface and then I scrub my hair with water only and let it air dry. I haven't experienced any of the greasy hair I have noticed while not being pregnant if I didn't wash my hair for 3 days. I have no idea how long this will last after the pregnancy, but I have sure enjoyed my happy healthy locks while growing this baby for the past 31 weeks.

Next midwife appointment is next week so I won't have an update on my iron levels and cervix til then. Thank you all for your kind, helpful and positive comments on my last post, I really needed that!

Iron

2009-02-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

Well the blood work came back and my iron levels are below what they were at the beginning of the pregnancy, lower than they've ever been and I'm back to being borderline anemic again. Joy. This low iron thing directly explains my insomnia despite the low iron making me so freakin' tired all the time. It's also why I am so itchy, why I am so cold and apparently why I crave ice despite being so cold. Let me tell you, craving ice in the winter is not as much fun as it was when I craved ice while pregnant with Nadia in the heat of the summer. Oh well, gotta do what you gotta do!

So why is my iron so low despite my taking what I thought was quite a bit of iron supplements? Some thoughts are that it could be as simple as me not knowing that you aren't supposed to take calcium and iron at the same time because the calcium blocks the iron from absorbing properly! Wish I'd known that before I spent mega money on fancy liquid iron that was apparently doing nothing! Of course I have immediately changed my vitamin taking schedule and I now take my iron by itself followed by an orange or other fruit high in vitamin C to help with absorption. My calcium I now take all by itself just before bed.

Another thought, and one that I don't openly talk about, because it's embarrassing and because I am in denial that it might be a serious problem, is that every day and all day long I have a butt fissure that bleeds non stop. This loss of blood, although small, over time can amount to quite a bit and could be the main reason why I just can't seem to get those damn iron levels up. I got the fissure pushing Nadia out. It bothered me for quite some time then seemed to heal then would re open etc etc. This is quite common. It's also quite common during pregnancy for these things to not heal up the whole pregnancy because you have that much more blood, your blood is thinner and of course there is tremendous pressure in that area pushing down all the time.

So I have booked a doctor's appointment for next week to see if there is anything I can do about that while I am still pregnant.

My friend and I were talking today and she was saying that she can't wait to be pregnant again because she loved it so much the first time. I immediately blurted out that I am done with being pregnant, I am not having fun, I am exhausted and have seriously convinced myself that life will just be easier with a newborn than being pregnant. This is a drastic change in outlook on being pregnant for me because I REALLY loved being pregnant with Lily and I mostly loved being pregnant with Nadia. Maybe this is how all women feel when they are pregnant with their third or maybe it's directly linked to my low iron levels. I hope I can get get it together and bring those levels up, mostly because it's better for me and the baby and I will not be able to have a homebirth if my iron levels don't increase, but also so I can start enjoying this pregnancy before it's over.

30 weeks

2009-02-16T20:11:00.001-08:00

We had our midwife appointment on Friday and the midwife did the usual cervical check. Because my cervix is measuring that much shorter than both previous pregnancies and this is usually an early marker for preterm labour, I have to have my cervix checked every appointment to monitor any change. "Dilation 1-2cm - normal for 3rd pregnancy," the midwife calmly explains during her examination. "Cervix still long - that's good. Ummmm, okay well I just touched the baby's head!" she less than calmly exclaims. "Soooo, you might want to take it easy cause that baby's head is right down there. No hikes, no strenuous activity, light lifting only, no squatting during yoga and you should probably avoid intercourse."

Well the fun part of the pregnancy seems to have begun already. They did okay prenatal yoga, just no squatting and the yoga teacher has given me some visualizations to focus on to keep that baby in there and keep that cervix closed nice and tight. SO while everyone else in the class is focusing on opening up, expanding and loosening the pelvic area, I spent this morning's class focusing on pushing the baby back up and closing my cervix and mounting road signs that shout "STOP" to my baby.

We also did some more blood work to see if there is anything lacking that might be causing my very annoying insomnia. My sciatic problem seems to have completely disappeared and I truly believe it has to do with my increased liquid calcium intake which I have been taking to try to help with the insomnia. At least it has helped another problem.

To my lovely baby that I can't wait to meet - and it seems you can't wait to meet us either. Please hang in there, enjoy the warmth and calm and quiet and we can talk about opening up that doorway for you in another 7 weeks!

Comparison Ultrasounds

2009-02-11T21:13:00.000-08:00

I finally picked up our ultrasound disc from the lab today. We had our ultrasound 11 weeks ago. I remember when I got the first ultrasound of Lily at 18 weeks, I was so excited I had to scan in her picture at work right after the appointment so I could print it out and show EVERYONE and post it to my blog! It's not that we aren't as excited the third time around, but it's just not a priority. We unfortunately never got a 3D ultrasound with Nadia so this comparison is only of our 1st and 3rd babies.

My sister looked at it right away and said "boy." Then she said not to tell this baby that she said that if he is actually a she. For what it's worth though, I "feel" like I'm having a boy, but that's what I thought with Nadia right up until I saw her wee little v.agina. Even in labour the midwives asked me what I thought I was having and I told them I was quite positive that I was having a boy because of a dream I had. In the dream I was in labour in our birth pool and just about to pop the baby out. I reached down and pulled the baby up onto my chest and as I did I saw a little p.enis staring back at me. I was sure it was to happen that way for real. We actually only picked a girls name "just in case" while I was in labour. Devinder thought it might be a good idea to prepare ourselves and he threw out the name Nadia. In my state of laboured bliss I thought it sounded like the most beautiful name ever. And I still do. And it's a good thing we did pick it cause non of the boy names we had would have suited her at all!

So we shall see if I have any instinct when it comes to guessing the s.ex of this baby on the day we get to finally meet him/her...

29 Weeks

2009-02-08T13:03:00.000-08:00

I seem to have adjusted to the size of my belly and now it doesn't seem so massive. I think my baby is trying to get it's head down because one day the feet are kicking out the right and the next they are kicking the hell out of my left side. It's intense. I lay down to sleep at night, something that doesn't come easy these days anyways, and then the little kick boxer decides to work out and keep me up even longer. It's a love hate relationship really, cause I'm pretty sure I would be sad if I didn't get to feel so much. I just wish it would happen more during the day instead of when I am trying to get some precious sleep!

I have been feeling really positive and energetic these days, well at least until about 5pm at night. I seem to hit a wall of exhaustion around then and the last few hours with the kids are the hardest. Then once they are in bed I am not really up for doing much of anything but e-mail checking and movie watching. My social life is not very social. Hopefully I'll get out more when my hubby gets back from NYC. He's been there for the past 2 weeks finishing up some work and I've been single parenting it with the help of my sister and her family who are staying in our basement suite. I miss my family being together and I can't wait til we are all reunited again.

I can't believe I am 29 weeks already! 37 weeks is only 8 weeks away! I am so excited to meet our next family member. Excited and nervous and the usual jitters. Some days I worry more than others about the fact that I am going to be extremely busy. I worry about Lily and Nadia getting even less of my time. I worry about Nadia's reaction to the new baby because she is so much more needy than Lily has ever been. She hates it when I hold other children. But at the same time she is a very gentle soul and she loves to carry around her baby dolls and give them big sloppy kisses. I worry about my own time being lost even more, disappearing even further into the hazy cloud of motherhood. Yet at the same time, I can shrug all the worry off because I know that we will get through it all day by day. I know that we will have so much help. I know that newborns are easily transportable and happy as long as they are fed and dry. I know we will adjust like we always have with each new addition to our busy lives. I know that I will have an over pouring of love to give this new baby and I feel so lucky that I get to have another baby...a baby again in my arms, in my bed, in my heart and soul.

25 Random Things About a 3 Year Old Named Lily

2009-02-02T13:17:00.001-08:00

I know not all of you are on Facebook, but I have been tagged about 25 times now to do a post where I mention 25 random things people might not already know about me. Number one, I am a cheater, so I am going to make this about Lily instead of me, because it was her 3rd birthday on Saturday and I think she is so incredibly interesting these days you'll wish it were 500 Random Things when you are done reading...

1. Lily is a thumb sucker. She wasn't always. She started sometime after Nadia was born.
2. Not only does she suck her thumb but she also plays with her belly button at the same time. In fact she will freak out if she is wearing the wrong clothes which don't permit her access to her belly button. I had to actually cut a hole in the front of a pair of her pajamas to allow her access to her beloved belly button. Does anybody else have a child who is as in love with their belly button as Lily is?
3. Her belly button actually has an extra bit of skin that sticks out kinda like a little handle for her to hang onto.
4. Lily loves to be warm and cozy and often spends all day in her pj's.
5. Lily also loves to wear what she calls her superhero costume, which is her sunsuit over top of her tights.
6. Her super hero name is Leaping Lily.
7. Lily loves to jump off of anything and everything.
8. Lily has been jumping since she was just a few weeks old and was able to hold herself up on her little baby legs.
9. Lily's other favourite activity is the jolly jumper. Even at 3 years old she can jump for long periods of time in that thing and spin around and around so fast it makes me dizzy.
10. She actually likes to combine both her favourite activities and while in the jolly jumper will jump off of objects like our little tykes picnic tables.
11. Lily is quite fascinated with my growing belly and impending arrival of our next baby. She actually claims to have 3 babies in her belly, 2 girls and a boy.
12. Lily is quite excited to attend the birth of this next baby but when I tell her that the baby is going to come out the tunnel in my v.agina she tells me "no it's going to come out your belly." Can't blame her really...

13. Lily is sleeping through the night. She goes to bed at 6:30pm and wakes up between 6:30 and 7am.
14. Lily stopped napping but on some days she needs a little rest in the middle of the day and will lay herself and have some quiet time for about 1/2 an hour all on her own.
15. Lily is fully potty trained during the day but still wears a disposable diaper to bed at night.
16. Lily loves to sing. It takes her no time at all to learn a new song and then she sings it all day long. She has pretty good tone and pitch.
17. She started to really dig music and singing when we started to get her tapes out of the library and gave her her own tape deck to play them in. She actually reads along with the music and can tell you what song it is by the picture on the page.
18. Lily is brilliant.
19. Lily is pretty into riding her bike fast down steep hills. She also likes riding it super fast all around our house.
20. But she refuses to ride a bike with pedals. She just pushes the bike along with her feet on the ground.
21. Lily is still quite small for her age. She weighs 26 pounds but is super strong and extremely active.
22. She still doesn't eat much. Her favourite foods are bananas, papaya banana pudding, blueberries, tomatoes and corn crackers.
23. She doesn't like water very much. I am not sure why because we are pretty big water drinkers in our family. I usually water down her apple juice and that's how she gets her water, or I make her hemp milk which she will gladly guzzle down no problem.
24. Lily loves to cuddle and she loves her grammy and gramma very much. She also loves her cousin Halen or at least she loves to boss him around alot. She loves Nadia when she is in the mood. Nadia still doesn't understand personal space and Lily is at an age where personal space is very important to her.
25. Lily can often be heard telling people how much she loves them and it is mine and her father's most favourite thing in the world to hear her say "Lily just loves her Mumma," or "I just love you dadda."

And we just love you Lily. I cannot believe you are 3 years old already. I cannot believe I have been a mother for 3 years now. And I LOVE being a mumma, especially your mumma. Thank you and Happy Birthday...And to all of you who made it to the end of this post, here is a video of our little superhero, the amazing Leaping Lily...

Third Trimester

2009-01-22T18:53:00.000-08:00

It's official, 27 weeks, third trimester, just 10 - 15 weeks til we meet our third baby!

But for the record, just because I've done this 2 times before does not make me a pregnancy expert. I had to actually look back at my posts from around this time last pregnancy and wouldn't you know it, pretty much the same symptoms, same complaints AND the same cravings for ice. And I keep thinking to myself, and telling everyone who asks that this pregnancy feels SOOOOO different and that I'm pretty sure I never felt itchy, restless, massive and crazy the last 2 times around! So I guess it's a good thing I blog about this stuff, even it is totally infrequent.

25 Weeks

2009-01-11T19:42:00.000-08:00

Well it really does feel like the first time even the third time around cause I've been feeling like I must be waaaaaay bigger this time around, but as it turns out, I am the same size, just a different shape. I guess I must have also felt as uncomfortable then as I do now in my ever changing body, but you know you really do forget alot. I do notice that my belly button is visibly sticking out whereas in the first 2 pregnancies it was still pretty much flat.

Not much more to report, bit of sciatic pain which is a lot more inconvenient when chasing around 2 children instead of one! A little bit of insomnia which I don't recall having the first 2 times. Sometimes, even when I am so dead dog tired, I will just lay there feeling all twitchy and restless, unable to fall asleep. It's one very frustrating pregnancy symptom I have to say!

I start prenatal yoga tomorrow morning and I am so excited! I feel like this pregnancy has just kinda happened without me noticing too much. i am excited to be in a room full of other pregnant women, to celebrate the beauty of it all and I can't wait to take in an hours worth of stretching and breathing into my belly. I always feel so good after I do yoga...

24 Weeks

2009-01-02T20:26:00.000-08:00

"You're looking kinda fat" my sister just said to me in jest and we had a good laugh about it. Truth is I am getting rather large rather fast this time. Or at least large for me. I have already gained 10 pounds and so far all my measurements have been bang on. I am feeling kinda awkward actually, like I just popped this belly out overnight and I haven't had time to adjust to it's massiveness. You'd think by the 3rd time it would feel more natural, but it still feels as strange as it did the first time. I keep bumping things with my belly and forgetting it's there and bending over suddenly to find I''ve got this large melon in the way of reaching my toes.

But god I LOVE it! I love people looking at me, especially when I'm alone and I know they're wondering if it's my first baby. I love the kicks and gurgles and pops from the inside. I love Nadia's fascination with my increasingly irresistible surface for giving Mumma blow farts.

For the most part I am feeling fantastic after a rocky first half. My energy is good, my moods are positive and I'm sappy and mushy and just so full of love it almost makes me cringe sometimes. Ahhhh the second trimester bliss!

My only complaints as of now is my sciatic on my right side is starting to give me some grief. That and I have a herniated belly button, which is common for most pregnant women, but if I strain myself too hard it causes me excruciating pain. My midwife is hopeful that once the uterus has moved in behind it that the flat even surface will be helpful in stopping things like my intestines from bulging out which is more than likely the source of the pain. Mmmmmmm intestines bulging out my belly button, how pleasant...

We got the results back from the ultrasound and this baby is totally healthy and growing along nicely. Only concern is that my cervix is measuring smaller than it did with both previous pregnancies which is not a problem now but this is a very common cause of preterm labour which means I will more than likely be on bedrest at some point before 37 weeks. It is frustrating because this is how all my pregnancies have ended, me on bedrest trying my hardest to make it to term. But at least we are armed with this knowledge early on and can monitor my cervix at each appointment for any changes.

Hope you all had fabulous holidays and Happy New Year 2009!

Classic!

2008-12-15T12:41:00.001-08:00

Among her many accomplishments, at 16 months Nadia can officially add "able to fall asleep in highchair while eating lunch" to the list...

Halfway

2008-12-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

Where have the past 20 weeks gone?!?! Lost in a blur of exhaustion and hormones and life just carrying on. Well I am starting to feel a little more of the second trimester high, but more importantly I am starting to feel the baby living and growing inside me. It's the best feeling in the world, so reassuring and comforting. Our ultrasound was also such a huge comfort, seeing our baby kicking my bladder and squirming all around in that tiny little space in my belly. Love. I love this baby and I am growing more and more excited to meet him or her. No we did not find the sex out and no we don't plan to yet again. I just love the constant guessing and then the huge surprise that is such a huge part of the labour and birth joy. The running joke though is that it's another girl and everyone says weird things like "poor Devinder." But he swears he doesn't care one little bit if it's a girl or a boy, and quite frankly neither do I...

Here's to the best ever second half of this fast paced pregnancy.

Yes you're right Amy

2008-12-03T10:02:00.000-08:00

I can't believe, as my dear cousin Amy pointed out, that it's been a whole month since my last post!! I have certainly become a very lazy blogger. I can't promise this post will be the start of many more more to come, but I will try.

I don't think it's been any secret that I've been having a hard time with this pregnancy, not with the fact that I'm pregnant, but with one of the side effects that's been rather hard to live with. The seemingly endless depression makes it hard for me to post regularly. I have very low energy, a hard time concentrating and well, a hard time being positive. Things are improving though, I have brought my iron levels up quite a bit, but I still need to get them higher. Also I've been starting to feel the baby move, even Devinder has felt the wonderful reward for all the hard work these past 20 weeks have been. We go for our mid pregnancy ultrasound this afternoon and I am soooo excited to see our little baby alive and moving all around inside me.

Also what's been helping in the mood and energy department is my wonderful children taking to weaning like champions. Lily weaned fully no problem about 1 week after my last post. I just talked to her about how she was getting bigger and how I was growing a baby and needed more energy to do that. We started with the morning feed. I left raisins and hemp milk on the nightstand in our room and when she came in I only offered her these and after 4 days she stopped asking for the boobie. Then I told her that night it was going to be the last time I gave her boobie before bed. The next night I did the same routine but without the boobie and after about 3 nights she stopped asking for it and hasn't asked for it since. Everyone once in a while she'll talk about it and say things like "remember when I used to have boobie and then climb off your lap and into bed and then you would put the blankets on and say night night."

Nadia has been a champion as well. We moved her from our room to her own room finally and if she woke in the night Devinder went in instead of me. Now she sleeps soundly through the night till about 5:30am. Half the time Devinder can just go in and sing to her and put her back in her crib and she'll sleep until 6:30am. The other half of the time she won't go back to sleep and so I bring her into bed with me until Lily wakes up. But she only nurses for about 5 minutes and then she eats raisins quietly beside us while Devinder and I try to catch a few more zzzzzzzz's. During the day her feeds are short and infrequent.

The weaning is going so well that I am off to Vancouver ALL BY MYSELF tomorrow for the first time since Lily was born nearly 3 years ago. I am just going for one night but this is a huge milestone in terms of freedom from nursing. I never thought it would happen. I envisioned a dark future where I was nursing all three of my children, a tired haggered and depressed Mumma. This life, the one where I'm barely nursing one child and growing a baby is much more doable and I can't wait for my first overnight solo adventure!

Wean

2008-11-03T19:21:00.000-08:00

Many of you have been mentioning the fact that I am breastfeeding 2 toddlers and growing a baby as a very likely cause of my lack of iron and lack of energy. I will in fact agree with you. I have been pregnant and nursing non stop since May 2005. If we had actually planned this pregnancy it would have been my preference to wait til both girls were weaned and I had some time in my body without feeding or growing children. But things happen and you just got to go with the flow as they say.

However, I am weaning the girls I am just choosing to do it slowly and gently because if I wasn't pregnant I would be letting them self wean. Unlike last pregnancy when I was still breastfeeding Lily and the thought of weaning her broke my heart, this time I am fully ready. Nadia is a fantastic eater so I know that she is going to be just fine sans boobie. Besides, can you really blame me for not wanting to nurse 3 children!

Lily's weaning has already begun and it's going very well. We first weaned her off her night feedings. Yes it's true I was still nursing Lily 1 to 2 times in the night in addition to nursing Nadia 2-4 times a night. I explained in great detail to Lily that we were going to be weaning her because I am growing a baby and need the extra energy to grow that baby. She seemed to understand although she wasn't too happy about it. So Daddy Devinder went in in the night and it was hard for the first 3 nights where she wailed and screamed and generally freaked right out until she passed out again. Not very much fun, but after the 3rd night when she would wake up Devinder would go in and just sing her a song or give her a hug and she would go back to sleep no problem.

I lost track but I think that was about 6 weeks ago and she's been sleeping soundly through the night ever since. After the night weaning I stopped all daytime feeds except the morning feed and the feed before bed. If she has a nap she also nurses before her nap and sometimes but not always when she wakes up. I plan to take away either the nursing session before bed or when she wakes up sometime this week. I'm going to give her the choice and she can decide for herself. I'll let her just have the one feed for a couple of weeks and then I plan to stop nursing her completely. Hopefully it will go well.

As for Nadia, well I'm a little lost with where to start with her. She has finally started sleeping through the night except that she wakes up at 4:30am and nurses in bed with me until Lily wakes up at 6am. I cannot get her off the breast and she will not go back to sleep on her own. So unless I want to just get up at 4:30am, I feel like I don't know what else to do. During the day she rarely asks for it unless she is tried or sick or teething which has been the case lately. I offer her water or hemp milk if she asks during the day and for the most part she will take it, unless of course she won't and then there is nothing much I can do except let her scream which I won't do. She can be incredibly persistent.

So that's the skinny on the weaning. I think once Lily is fully weaned then I will come up with a game plan for Nadia. I really do feel like once they are both weaned that my whole outlook on life is going to change dramatically for the better and I really look forward to more sleep, more energy and a possible overnight getaway before this next baby is ready to latch on for another 2 years or more.

Here is my 15 week belly shot. Lily wasn't in the mood to pose with the belly so only Nadia made it into the shot this week.

Eat Yer Spinach!

2008-10-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

Turns out my constant and unyielding tiredness and depression could actually be a result of my dropping iron levels. I just can't seem to get it together and there is almost a certain joy in realizing it could be as simple as taking more iron into my diet. Pregnancy number three is totally kicking my ass but I'm about to bite back. I need my sanity and my life back. I need to not feel so short tempered and impatient all the frickin time. I need to start really enjoying this and I will dammit, oh yes I will...

Second of the Third

2008-10-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

Yep, 13 weeks already! Feeling better than before, but this tiredness is still kicking my ass. In fact most days I also feel frustrated and slightly depressed. It's worse than being nauseas. But we did get to hear the heartbeat yesterday and that made me feel a lot better. It's been hard after losing one already to not constantly worry that I am going to loose this one too. Hearing that heartbeat and the midwives words, "that sounds like a happy healthy baby in there" really made me feel more confident that we are going to be just fine. It was a fast little heart beat beating away at 166bpm, so instantly I thought "girl." But Nadia's heartbeat was always so low, around 140 which is typical of boy heartbeats, so I'm going to have to throw that myth out the window! Whatever we have will be awesome, period.

It's totally amazing how fast this pregnancy is flying by. It's also really amazing how totally different each pregnancy can be, although I feel like this one is more similar to Lily's than Nadia's. I don't think I could really even explain how, just a feeling I have. I have thought I felt the baby moving already, which seems totally far fetched considering how early it is and how far down it is. I also thought I felt my first Braxton Hicks last night, which again seems way too early! My belly seems to be rounding out much faster and my jeans don't fit come evening time any more. I have fashioned a lovely "button" out of an elastic band and a paper clip. I should probably market it it's that stylish!

For all my woes, I am still happy to pregnant and excited as all shit to meet our next creation. I can't wait to fit into my maternity clothes and I am just counting down the days til I can REALLY feel my friend in the belly again. So much to look forward to...

Nadia 13 Months, Lily 32 Months, Me 11 Weeks Pregnant

2008-10-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

Accepting this pregnancy and the coming love child is so much easier this time around. I give total credit to my wonderful girls for putting my mind at ease. Just watching their relationship blossom into something so beautiful and so real, well it's enough to convince me that maybe we SHOULD have 5 children as Devinder had originally stated he wanted. (That last part was a joke dear Ovaries which I know we shouldn't do since all we have to do is think it and we get pregnant!)

But seriously, they really are becoming friends. They have these "things" that they do together that make them both howl with laughter. Simple things, like mimicking each other as they make funny noises or shake their heads back and forth really fast. They love to chase each other around the house, laughing so hard they often fall down. Lily has finally started hugging Nadia and she just adores her big sister. Lily also likes to play ring around the rosie with Nadia and the 2 of them can really dance up a storm together on the living room rug. It warms a mother's heart and I just am so happy we are pregnant again and having another baby sooner than later. I see that it will be easier when my girls are playing happily together while I tend to the baby. I also see that Lily is going to be such a big help with said baby as she already tries to help Nadia get dressed and often successfully puts her shoes on for her.

Yes we have our moments. Moments where Lily says "Nadia is in my space!" and then she proceeds to push her away often resulting in Nadia falling and hurting herself. There are other moments where Lily makes up rules about what's hers and where Nadia can play and if Nadia touches any of "her" things or goes in any of these "off limit" places, Lily freaks right out on her.

But for the most part, we are raising friends and I am so happy about this because me and my sisters are so very close and of course this is what every parent envisions when they create a sibling.

It is however, a lot harder to be pregnant with 2 other children to tend to. Lily really and truly seems to have given up naps, which is okay because she goes to bed around 6:15pm and sleeps thru the night til about 6:45am. But I don't get a break during the day. Today though I just thought I'd see what would happen if I asked Lily to read quietly in the living room while I took a quick nap while Nadia was sleeping. She agreed with no questions asked and when I woke up 20 minutes later I was refreshed and she was happily reading to herself on the living room rug!

Lily has been sleeping in her super awesome toddler bed that is shaped like a Volkswagen beetle for about 2 weeks now. I even took away her crib to make more room in her room and after some concern over that she eventually accepted it and I haven't heard a peep since. She is fully potty trained and even on our road trip this summer we were accident free as she would tell us if she needed us to pull over so she could pee or poop on the side of the road. I guess she's not fully fully trained as she still wears a diaper to bed at night, but no more diapers during the day is something to "woot" about!

Nadia still remains one of the happiest people I know. Her whole purpose in life is to smile and laugh and have fun. It's good for Lily because Nadia will laugh at just about anything Lily does which in turn makes Lily quite happy. Nadia is almost running trying so hard to keep up with her big sister and she is a real trouper when she falls, rarely crying before she assesses the damage and rarely needing boobie to make her feel better. She is really into her baby dolls and often carries them around the house hugging them tightly to her. She is very cuddly as a person too and any chance she gets to steal hugs and kisses from other children she takes it! This also means that she is sick a lot, but how can you stop the kissing babies?!?! She is also unbelievably calm and gentle with animals of all kinds. Unlike her sister whose first instinct with Kona was to hit him and pull his fur and his tail, Nadia's first instinct has been to lovingly stroke all animals and then follow up with kisses and hugs. It's really quite adorable. But let it be known that this in no way means that she is a perfect child. In fact, her biggest downfall is that she NEVER listens to the word NO! Even her big sister was adhering to this simple and often necessary command well before she was 13 months. But Nadia still just thinks it's funny and will often look right at you and do what she isn't supposed to be doing with a huge grin on her face!

Life is pretty good these days. I'm a bit of a walking zombie from time to time, but my kids are awesome and we have a lot of fun. Fall activities have started back up so we are pretty busy most days and it's great that Nadia can finally participate in most of these activities instead of just chillin' in the ergo watching her sister riot about. I love having 2 and I am unbelievably excited these days about adding a 3rd to our tribe!

10 Weeks

2008-09-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

I really do feel like the third time around time just flies by. I can hardly believe I am 10 weeks already and almost out of the first trimester. My belly couldn't wait for this trimester to be done and decided to pop early. At first I was just looking pregnant in the evenings and the morning belly was relatively flat. Now I wake up with a little buddha belly which pushes my shirts out and tells the world I am really freakin pregnant again! Luckily the nausea has subsided and the food aversions have gotten better too. This pregnancy again is turning out to be quite different than both Lily and Nadia's.

I am in a better place now about losing our twin. I actually was quite shocked with how down and out I really got. At first when the midwife called to tell us the results of the ultrasound we both remarked about how amazingly accurate the tea leave reader was. Then to reassure me she talked about how wonderful it would have been to have twins but how sometimes not having twins is a real blessing. We would not have had a home birth for starters and my care would have been handed over to a doctor in Nanaimo because they don't deal with preterm labours at the hospital here and if I can hardly keep my singleton babies in to 37 weeks the chances of keeping twins in that long probably would have been slim. There would have been incubators and formula and possible c-section not to mention life with two newborns and a family of 6. It was good to talk about all these things with her and it did a lot to put it all into perspective.

But after I got off the phone I really started to think about the fact that yes, simpler EVERYTHING with one baby, but holy crap, I just lost one of my babies. I know that baby was really just a tiny speck, but my children were tiny specks once and I could not imagine life without them because they are the most amazing specks I have ever met. I lost another wonderful creation of ours. I never got to hold her and tell her everything would be okay before she passed on. S/he died all alone and I didn't even know.

And I really do feel so lucky that I still have a fabulous baby growing inside of me, but in a way it is also a painful reminder of the baby we lost, of the magic of twins that we will never know. Yet at the same time I feel like this growing baby is so incredibly special because I imagine that s/he actually has 2 souls and picture her beaming with light and love from her lost sibling.

The craziest thing is that had I not had the early ultrasound and only had the routine 18 week ultrasound, I probably never would have known that we once had twins. Possibly when we birth the placenta the midwife said we might see traces of the second yolk sac, but quite possibly there will be nothing. In fact it is believed that 1 in 8 woman start off with a twin gestation and without their knowledge loose one and continue to have one healthy baby none the wiser.

Still, it's hard to be logical and wrap your head around statistics to try to make you feel better. I thank each and every last one of you for all your kind words and for sharing your own personal stories. Thank you thank you thank you...and onward we go on this most amazing journey.

2 Souls

2008-09-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Larisa,

On the 1 year anniversary of the plane crash that killed you in Phuket Thailand, life was seen beating away inside my uterus. And just as the tea leaf reader had predicted there were in fact 2 souls dancing inside me. Twins. But now I ask a favour of you my dear friend Larisa, that you might watch out for one of the souls that didn't make it. I know he or she would have loved to have met you and I know you would have been such a proud frantie (friend whose an auntie). But it warms my heart to think that you might find each other somewhere in that vast unknown universe where hearts don't beat but souls live on. And now I continue this dance with one healthy soul beating away inside me, strong, 9 weeks along and due April 24, 2009. I love you both and miss you terribly.

I would have known by now...

2008-09-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

Last week when I took the test my symptoms were so minor I really honestly did not expect a positive result. I actually only took the test because my sister insisted. Her words were something like "well if it's going to be negative then what's the big deal?" and then she drove me to the pharmacy. It wasn't my list of minor symptoms (tired all the time, extreme hunger, super sensitive to smell, minor spotting, freezing cold) that convinced her I should pee on a stick, it was a story I told her about a lady who read my tea leaves while I was visiting Saltspring Island last week. As she passed my green tea across the counter to me she exclaimed "oh that's interesting, I see 2 souls dancing together..." My sister upon hearing that was instantly convinced. It wasn't that I wasn't intrigued and somewhat believing of her reading, I was just still in the strong denial stage.

As of about 3 days ago, I would have known without taking a test. My symptoms have gone from minor to full blown major. I'm talking nausea and food aversions so bad I just wander around in a fog feeling hungry but unsure of what to eat. I suppose anyone might be a little emotional when they find out they are pregnant with their 3rd child in less than 3 years, but the moods swings are crazy intense. I guess I'm just not going to be as lucky as I was with Nadia this time around.

We are extremely happy to be pregnant though. We couldn't decide if we were done yet and this just makes it so we don't have to decide. As soon as I stopped swearing and crying I realised it felt right. I think deep down I really thought we would have another. 2 seems sort of lonely and I really feel like this one will make our family complete. I think it's really just the timing that's a little shocking. If we were to actually plan a third pregnancy we probably would have waited another year. But I really do think babies choose us and this baby is ready to meet us at the end of April, or at least I think it's the end of April. Being that I never had a cycle I am really just guessing as to when we even conceived.

So let me just say for the record that breastfeeding is NOT a good form of birth control. I am breastfeeding 2 children full time and I still got pregnant!

Happy First Birthday Nadia!

2008-08-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

At 9:49pm one year ago today you entered our lives and made us a family of four. I wasn't sure there would be room in my heart for a second baby before you were born, I still don't know how I could have thought that. I simply couldn't imagine a better Nadia or life without you in it. Thanks for the good times!

I love you sweets!
Your Mumma

How's Life?

2008-07-29T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have been a very bad blogger lately and some of my dear readers have let me know about it! So even if it's just a picture or two, I will try to update more often!

There have actually been some exciting developments as of late. The most exciting is that Nadia is officially walking as of yesterday! She has been taking steps here and there for over a month now, and she can stand up on her own without holding onto anything, which is unlike her sister who had to crawl to an object to pull herself to standing. She is incredibly cautious but when she walks she is confident and sturdy and every step is very meaningful and full of purpose. Yesterday she was walking everywhere, between objects, but also just standing in the middle of the room and walking around. It was awesome! I will have to post video when I get a chance!

The other exciting develop- ment is that Lily has stopped napping. At first I was going out of my mind because now I have no middle of the day break, but in many ways it has made my life a lot easier. To start with, she now goes to bed at 6:30pm and sleeps til 7-8am. Before she was sleeping 3 hours in the middle of the day and not going to bed til around 10pm which made me rather depressed in the evening without some "me" time before bed. Nadia isn't going to bed til around 8pm, but this means that I get some one on one Nadia time after Lily goes to bed. It also means that I get some one on one Lily time during Nadia's afternoon nap. All in all things have worked out quite well and Lily seems to be keeping an even keeled temperament throughout the day.

I have to add this picture of me with a plugged duct desperately trying to relieve the pain by putting cabbage on my breast and of course Lily wanted cabbage on her boobie too!

10 Months

2008-06-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Dearest Nadia, Noddy, Nadinator, Nadster and of course, Baby Nadia

Dude I am so in love with you I just don't even know where to start! So I'll start with a list. At 10 months you are:
- ALMOST WALKING!!
- Pulling yourself to standing on anything and everything
- Taking steps
- Standing unassisted for long periods of time
- Climbing into everything
- Climbing up the stairs
- Climbing up on anything and everything
- Dancing while holding onto something
- Dancing without holding onto anything

Okay I'll just stop right there and summarize this for you. The quiet laid back baby you once were has been replaced by and EXTREMELY active, determined and BRAVE little monkey! You are so strong and so strong willed there isn't much you won't try to conquer. And yes, you have already taken some steps! Your sister was 10 and 3/4 months when she started walking so we'll see if you beat her record or not in the next couple of weeks.

Life is busy these days and chasing you and sister around is more than a full time occupation. It is why I am so grateful that your grandparents are back from New Jersey to help out. You still seem to be a momma's girl when you first meet people and you weren't so sure about the new faces living in our basement, but it is taking you less and less time to warm up to people and now you LOVE your grandma and grandpa. In fact you love them both so much that you take turns sleeping on them for your first nap of the day.

Sleeping is a bit of an issue with you still. It's too bad, but I can't seem to get you to sleep for more than 2 1/2 hours at a time throughout the night. Your first sleep cycle is barely 45 minutes and then I have to come in and feed you back to sleep. You start out in your crib by our bed, but by the 3rd feed of the night I am too exhausted to sit on the bed and feed you so I bring you into bed with us. I'm okay with that because then i get some quality snuggle time with you and I love waking up to your smiling face and big hugs in the morning. Your are slowly transitioning into 2 naps a day from 3 and I am finally getting you to take your 2nd nap at the same time as Lily so I am getting a bit more time to myself to eat, take a nap and update this blog!

You have a wicked sense of humour and LOVE to laugh and laugh and laugh. You find everything funny and you especially like laughing when Lily is around. You think she's the cat's ass and any attention she pays you, even negative, you love. For the most part she is trying much harder now to play with you and you're pretty quick to figure out her games and what role you should take on to make her happy. Yesterday the two of you played inside her crib pulling yourselves to standing and then letting go and falling onto the soft blanket and then rolling around and hugging each other. I laughed so hard with you guys that I thought my face was going to permanently stay smiling.

You are a much better eater than Lily is even now. You don't need the boobie as much as Lily does and you don't seem to need it for comfort the way she does either. You love to eat food so much that if we are not feeding you fast enough then you let out this high pitched squawk until we will give you more food. You also use that squawk to get our attention or if you are frustrated or angry about something not going your way. It's quite pleasant. You don't seem to have many more sounds than that although I keep thinking I hear you say "hello." You have no "Ma, Ba, Da, Ga" sounds like your sister did and most 10 month old baby's do. We are teaching you basic sign language which you get a kick out of. You do like to imitate clapping, waving, shaking your head "yes" and you love giving out high fives.

You like to eat almost anything you come into contact with be it Lily's stickers, rocks, dirt, shoes, toilet paper, you name it. It's a constant worry because you are often choking on something and my attention is always split between watching you and your sister. You have a pretty good gag reflux and I'm just hoping your fascination with learning your environment through your mouth will end sooner than later.

You have 4 teeth, a matching pair of tops and bottoms and let me just say for the record that you are a terrible teether. The doctor's all claim that fever's are not associated with teething but I swear to god that for every tooth you have you had a tremendous fever for days before and then once the tooth was in, voila, fever gone. How could it not be related I ask you? Anyways, I am not looking forward to the next teeth for your sake as well as for mine.

I can't believe how much faster your life is whizzing by than your sister's did. I hope you know how much I love you even though it seems like there isn't as much one on one time with you like there was and still is with Lily. You really are just so patient and accepting of your role as second child and I thank you for your understanding and unwavering love.

I love you,
Your Mumma

28 Months

2008-06-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

Dearest Lilian,

I am so behind on your letters it's barely even laughable. Our lives are very busy now and you and your sister aren't napping at the same time so i don't get a lot of time to myself to write all about you. It's frustrating because you are changing so much and I'm afraid I'm going to forget it all.

Let's see, where to begin. We could dive right into the frustrating behaviours your little 28 month self has suddenly become quite adept at, or we could start with all the wonderful things that make me forget, for the most part, about the bad things.

Like your amazing grasp of the English language. Not only do you have the sweetest little voice, you are constantly being complimented on your excellent pronunciation and use of proper sentences with good manners (most of the time). I am sure those same people would be more than happy to compliment you on your correct use of the phrase "what the fuck" but so far no one but myself and your auntie have heard you use it. I blame your auntie of course...

You have taken to riding your bike or running very fast down steep hills and cackling at the top of your lungs. You are getting braver and braver at the playground and now go down almost all slides all by yourself. Your favourite is still the swings and dirt piles. You could play on mounds of earth or dirt for hours and never grow bored. You love the trampoline at playgroup but only if you get it to yourself as you are not a big fan of larger kids bouncing you around against your own will. But by far your most favourite physical activity is jumping. You love to jump off of anything and everything you can. The stairs are a favourite and you keep climbing higher and higher to get a better jump.

Your imagination has shot through the roof lately and we often kiss imaginary fairies goodnight before tucking them in their beds at night and you tell us you are carrying Halen on your back and playing with Halen almost daily. We could start our own TV channel called the Imaginary Food Network with all the creative and delicious invisible dishes you've made. You love to feed your dollies and change their diapers and even take them to the potty and shout "hurray" when they've made a poop in the potty. You were quick to potty train just after your 2nd birthday and have replaced your diapers with undies almost completely. You still wear a diaper at night and we are still having a hard time getting you to remember to poop on the potty. In fact most often you just downright refuse to sit on the potty and would rather go off by yourself and poop in your underwear. We have a lot of "bum showers" as a result. It's frustrating but we are trying to be patient hoping your refusal to poop on the potty will quickly become a blurred memory.

You are constantly singing and babbling away to yourself. You've suddenly started liking "bigger" books, ones with a bit of a plot and few more words in them. It's been fun going to the library to get books with you and I love how intently you listen to each story we read. You often recite books from memory to me in the car using the same intonation and silly voices I use to read them to you. You really have such an amazing memory. You love to help me with the dishes and make energy balls. You love to play with your playdough and paints as long as you can be naked and paint on your belly too. You are a very loving girl who hands out kisses by the dozen and still enjoy a good long cuddle despite your busyness.

I need to remember the good things when I look back on this time in your life. I also want to make note of the bad things though. I want to make note so I can look back on this time and laugh about it later. I want to read about it when Nadia is your age so I can remember that it too shall pass. And I want to make note of it in case you have children one day so you can understand that this behaviour is normal.

At least I hope it's normal. It has and always will be my intention to love you through and through. I will always try my hardest to look past all the ugliness and see to the very heart of you. I can see that we have some tough times ahead of us now, but I want you to know that I am trying to have patience and to not write you off just because you are expressing yourself in seemingly negative ways. I want you to understand that I am trying so very hard to keep a positive outlook and to calmly guide you through this phase in the hopes that you will come out a good person who shows empathy, respect and love for your fellow peoples. I truly believe that the only way to teach you these things is to teach by example.

That being said, there are times when I have a very hard time keeping my cool while you repeatedly hit your sister, throw your toys, scream and whine at every little thing, bite me, pull my hair, completely ignore me and refuse to eat any food. I have never experienced such a wide range of conflicting emotion in my life. Every day I have an inner battle with myself, the adult me vs. the child in me, repeating over and over again "I am the adult, I am not the child, I need to act like an adult and deal with the situation like an adult." You see it would be so much easier to revert to the kind of behaviour you use every day and simply scream and whine and temper tantrum right along side of you, but I'm quite positive we would both drive each other crazy and it's not the way I ever thought I would raise you. But it is a struggle, daily, to behave like the adult and deal with each situation with a calm wise, open mind.

However I will admit that these past couple of days have been a dream. You've eaten well and are really starting to take a liking to Nadia. It's like you finally realised that she can play with you and now you actually want her around. You haven't quite grasped the fact that you can't just pull her along, she doesn't yet walk and she's a bit too heavy for you to carry although you try very hard to pick her up. Seeing you two play together makes this mumma very very happy. It makes all the hard times forgettable and I will make note that your bad behaviour really only lasts a week at the most and is quickly replaced with some wonderful new development which blows my mind.

There are so many more things to write about I am sure, but I hear you waking up from your nap so this will have to do. You are an amazing person and I love every part of you.

Love your Mumma

Quench Smoothies

2008-06-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

Here is a little blurb about our new smoothie business and my sister Kyla's wheatgrass business on the local Comox Valley Kids site for anyone who's interested.

This too Shall Pass

2008-05-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

Right? Lily won't be this whiny, fussy, terror forever, right? She will change back to her lovable ole self again, won't she? After all, it's like one night I put Lily to sleep and the next morning this other child woke up in her place. So surely one morning the old Lily will be there to greet the day and all will be forgotten and I will want to continue to be a stay at home mom and not feel emotionally drained at the end of the day, right? Surely not everything has to be done her way and only her way, does it? We can get dressed, eat food, play with toys, go for walks etc without having a fit about it all, can't we? My job from now on isn't going to be me keeping the peace between Lily and her little sister every second of every day, is it? They will be the best of friends like my sister and I, won't they? My next post will be me laughing at how this phase too has passed and we will all be happy little campers again, right? Right?

The Right Stuff

2008-05-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

Seems the New Kids are still quite favourable with my new kids. I bought a New Kids On The Block tape for $0.25 today at the Sally and took a trip down grade 8 lane. It was rewound to side 2 so the first song that came on was The Right Stuff and Lily asked me to make it louder so I did. After the song was done she shouted "more oh-oh-oh-oh-oh" over and over again while I rewound the tape. I'm sure you all remember the "oh-oh-oh-oh-oh" comes just before they say "the right stuff." So I got her to keep saying the "oh-oh" part and I sang "the right stuff" part and damn it if we weren't the coolest car driving round town singin' at the top of our lungs! I knew my fabulous taste in music would rub off on my children eventually, I just didn't realize it would be this rewarding so fast! The awesomer part is that we've only just broken ground on 1 of their songs and we still have a whole tape of goodies left to pass those boring car rides by. Thanks NKOTB - still workin' it after all these years...

The Ego Has Landed

2008-04-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

In the last 4-5 days Lily has stopped saying things like "Lily all done now" or "Lily wants to play with that." Instead she talks in the first person using phrases that begin with "I" like "I want that" or more commonly "I don't want to do that." According to Waldorf educators, in addition to her grammar developing, she is also coming into her own Ego. She has a clearer sense of herself and she suddenly knows exactly what it is that this new self wants or doesn't want. She seems to really understand that certain things belong to her and she does not want to share them with ANYONE else. It's literally like her awareness has grown leaps and bounds in a matter of a week. It's absolutely amazing to watch. Communication has greatly improved as she is now able to tell me exactly what she wants or doesn't want. Of course with all that came the realization that she would rather do exactly the opposite of what I want. With each amazing step forward, there is always a little bit of tricky parenting needed to be magically pulled out of thin air. Today I caught myself saying "don't be careful" in the hopes that she would do the opposite. My laughter stopped any thoughts of defiance or acceptance and we toddled of to playgroup in the hale storm to play with our friends.

How's da mumma doin?

2008-04-17T21:49:00.000-07:00

Life has been a little hectic as of late. My sister Kyla and I bought a beat up old smoothie trailer with the dream of selling real fruit smoothies to people at large musical events all summer. Born out of frustration at never being able to eat anything at these types of events and the fact that we have children now whom we want to guide in the right eating direction. We will hopefully call ourselves "Be The Change Smoothie Wagon" as long as the name gets approved. We're going to start with the local Farmer's Market which runs on Saturdays from May thru Dec.

Being a full time mom doesn't leave a lot of physical time in one's day to work on fixing up a beat up ole smoothie trailer. I also find that I don't have a lot of room in the ole mom brain to multi task like I used to do so well. And it's a little confusing, because the dream is real, it really would be so freakin kick ass if Kyla and I could actually pull something like this off, but we're both constantly torn about it all because it is such a time sucker right now. I feel like a half ass mom cause even when I'm not working on the damn thing, I'm stressing about all the things that still need to get done. I feel bad about that. I really was having such a great time just being a stay at home mom and my kid's were just raking in the love and attention. Then I got it into my head that I needed to do something for myself.

On the hard days, the days when the whining and the deliberate toy throwing and the word "that" instead of actually saying what "that" is and constant neediness of my children sucks me into a void of frustration and borderline anger that makes me think they're actually trying to make me crazy, well yeah, I dream about waking up on Saturday morning and going to work for myself in my smoothie wagon with my sister. I lust for those 6 hours once a week when yes, I'll still be working, but there won't be a child pulling at my pant leg and screaming "boobie" at the top of her lungs. It'll just be me and the blenders and the constant stream of happy customers drinking our delicious smoothies and talking in a real language that I can understand and have an actual conversation with. It will be awesome.

On the easy days, the days when we laugh and laugh and laugh, the days when we cuddle for no reason, when we sing songs and paint pictures, when we tickle each other and crawl around the house playing peekaboo, on the easy days, I don't even want to miss those 6 hours at home. And I certainly don't want to be spending so much time working on getting it up and running that I'm unable to be the mom I want to be right now.

So this mumma is having an inner battle right now and has been very bad at blogging as of late. I'm overdue for Lily's 26 Month letter which really needs to be done, because there are so many cool things happening with her lately. And Nadia just turned 8 months and couldn't possibly be any happier if she tried. That girl laughs and smiles at everything, even her big sister when she cries, she thinks that is especially funny!

Anyways, I know I know, it will happen, it will be great (and it really will) I'll get over my going back to work 6 hours a week anxiety about leaving my children and life will lead us right into another wonderful adventure as soon as this one is up and running.

It is going to be so freakin' awesome!

7 Months

2008-03-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

Dearest Nadster,

You are a girl on a mission and you are always in a constant state of motion. You still like to be held, but usually only when you are quite tired. Otherwise you want down and you want to explore. You are an expert crawler and there isn't a piece of furniture left in our house that you haven't pulled yourself to standing on. You can push yourself up to sitting and are much more stable on your bum now. Although you seem to hurt yourself less from falling over while sitting, you seem to hurt your head more from crawling under and into things. Like the exersaucer for example - such a great place to crawl under, but once you are in you try to sit up and continually bonk your head, unable to "get" that you real can't sit up in there. Maybe one too many bonks to the head it seems!

We transitioned you from our bed to your very own crib next to our bed. Mommy is getting a bit more sleep because of it and we are working on getting you to fall asleep on your own instead of on the boobie. Last night you went into your crib awake and fussed for about 3 minutes before falling asleep for 4 hours straight - a record for you and a relief for me to know that we are making progress! We have not been letting you cry it out and for the amount of patience the gentle approach has required of me, I am giving myself a huge pat on the back. Training babies to fall asleep on their own is a lot of freakin' work, but in the end I will be able to look back and feel proud for how we helped you learn this important skill.

Naps are still hard because we are always out and about with Lily so you end up napping in the car seat and the Ergo a lot. But when we can we do the same routine as at night and get you a decent nap in your own bed. You have 3 naps a day - 2 in the morning and one in the late afternoon. You are ready for bed by 7:30pm most nights and sometimes even a little earlier. You wake up about 6:15am and nurse snooze in bed with me til about 7:15am when you are up for the day.

Your second tooth is peaking it's head out at the world and I must say you are a rather good sport about it. However - if you could kindly stop biting me when we nurse that would be greatly appreciated. And if you could stop smiling at me when I tell you not to bite me - that would be great too!

You are enamored with your Dada and when you see him your whole face lights up. You are still playing strange with other people, but my sister Kyla and Duston babysat you the other night and you did totally fine. In fact you have taken quite a liking to Uncle Duston - something about those Dada type people I guess. You have also taken a liking to Kona and Kumi and much like your big sister did at your age you LOVE it when they "kiss" you which involves a lot of licking and is sort of disgusting. Kyla sees you working with animals in the future but hopefully you won't be so into making out with them when you're older.

You remain the easy going gal you've always been and I am so thankful for that. You are content to just roam around the house while I tend to your older sister's many wants and needs. Someone asked me if I thought you were born that way or if you just saw that that was what was needed of you and adapted to better fit into the family puzzle. I truly believe you we are born with our greatest personality traits already intact. You are through and through a very easy going, calm and patient person - all wonderful qualities for a wonderful girl.

I love you,
Mumma

Where did my baby go?

2008-03-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

I am late posting this, but my dear sweet Nadia has been officially crawling since March 7th! She crawls all over the place and doesn't have much patience for being held these days because she just wants to GO!

Then tonight for the very first time, she pulled herself to standing on Lily's ladybug table!!! She's strong, but still kind of clueless about how freakin' dangerous it is. She was so proud of herself that she looked at me, smiled and let go nearly bonking her head on the table as I raced in and caught her mid fall.

My baby is growing up and she's on the move! On one hand I am so proud of her accomplishments and on the other hand, I want my baby back!

Introducing...

2008-03-03T14:03:00.000-08:00

...Nadia's first tooth! Bottom middle left. Shiny, white, pointy and sharp. After a horrible nights sleep, a week of fussing and a super long nap this morning, voila - my baby's got a tooth!

The Book

2008-03-02T22:16:00.000-08:00

Since so many of you have asked about the book I made for Lily I thought you might like to take a look at it yourself. I do have to give credit to my hero Elizabeth Pantley for suggesting such a thing in her book The No Cry Sleep Solution. I have been taking more and more pictures and coming up with more ideas for pages but I just haven't had time to work on it. So here is the first draft, which Lily loves and will hopefully do the trick!

Big Girl Lily

Not Anytime Soon

2008-03-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

This is how much Lily is still madly in love with the boobie. She has a cold and the usual snotty nose that accompanies that. This morning while nursing she pulled off and said "Snot. Need tissue Mumma." She leaned over and grabbed a tissue from the box, but instead of blowing her nose, she began thoroughly and lovingly cleaning the snot off my boobie! When she was done she said "All clean" and then continued to nurse.

I have been feeling a little exhausted lately and I somehow have got it into my mind that I need to wean Lily. The middle of the night nursing sessions coupled with the frequent day time nursing of both my children has left me with very little time to myself and not enough sleep to keep me going all day. I do believe that a child should self wean and that they do somehow know when their bodies no longer need their Mumma's milk. But she is 2 now, and quite frankly, I think I feel like she's ready, but she doesn't feel the same way - AT ALL!

Devinder went in to her last night when she woke up. We explained to her before she went to bed that when she woke up in the night Dada was going to go in, check her diaper, give her a glass of water, cuddle and rock with her and then put her back in her bed so she could continue to sleep. She repeated it over and over with us and I actually thought it might work. Middle of the night waking #1 happened. Devinder went in and did exactly as we had talked about with her before bed. She was not happy and began wailing and screaming for "MUMMA!!!!" I went in and was heart broken by her serious cries. She was so wound up it took her a while to catch her breath and she held onto me so tightly and nursed so fiercely I almost cried myself. Devinder thinks we should try again tonight so we'll see what happens.

Lately I just feel like Lily has been really needing me more. Maybe it's because we have been reading this book I made for her called Lily's a Big Girl Now! In it I talk about how when Lily was a baby she used to sleep with us, but now she sleeps on her own cause she's a big girl now! When Lily was a baby she used to have boobie to go to sleep but now Lily is a big girl and big girls eat food and drink water and cuddle with their Mumma's before bed. We also talk about peeing in the potty and sharing etc... The idea of the book is to portray in words and pictures the outcomes you would like to see for any given behaviour that is not currently going the way you want it to. It's a subtle and gentle approach to weaning etc... She loves the book and we read it everyday. But she also REALLY likes boobie.

There is a part of me that isn't ready either. I feel like her neediness as of late is because she senses an ending in our nursing relationship and she is trying to figure out how she will get that closeness from me when it's gone. I wonder the same thing. When she asks for the boobie I have been trying to give her huge hugs and cuddles and then offer her food and water, but it's not the same and we both know it. Lily is a VERY busy girl and she only has time for short cuddles and hugs. For some reason being quiet and nursing has always been something she has tons of patience for. It's her way of chilling out in between her marathons around and around our house. We like to look at each other and she likes to play with my earrings and stick her fingers in my mouth while I pretend to bite them off. We laugh and giggle and I don't think either of us are totally ready to give all that up.

I am feeling very conflicted. My little girl is growing up so fast already, why do I need to stop nursing her all of a sudden? When she's all done nursing am I not just going to look back and feel sad that it's over and laugh about what a short moment in time it really was? Is my daytime Mothering really being compromised do to exhaustion? Will the end of nursing Lily really bring me more energy? Will I really feel THAT much more rested only having to wake to feed one child instead of two? These are the questions and the only way to find the answers is to go down a road I'm not sure I want to go down.

Really? Like for real?

2008-02-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if it's too soon to be excited or not. Lily left the house today wearing big girl underwear and no diaper and she saved all her pees for the potty! I'm like freakin' out here! This is a HUGE step forward - HUGE! Way to go Lily!

6 Month Letter

2008-02-25T21:33:00.000-08:00

Dearest Nadster, Nadinator, Baby Nadia,

There has been a lot of changes going on over here lately and almost all of them to do with SLEEP! I have been VERY sleep deprived for quite some time and I am so run down lately I have been unable to fend off a nasty flu bug like I am usually able to do no problem. I bought The No Cry Sleep Solution and have been studying it religiously in the hopes that I can get both you and your sister to sleep much much more than you currently are. In addition to getting up to feed you 3-4 times a night, I am also getting up to feed Lily 2 times a night. You were co-sleeping with your father and I and I LOVED snuggling with you all night, but you started latching on in your sleep and not wanting to get off. You suddenly became a very restless sleeper and your night wakings were happening every 1-2 hours. Unable to determine in my sleep deprived state if you really needed boobie or not, I would just give it to you while half asleep just so you would stop making noise and settle down. Well, I wasn't getting much rest so I made the decision to move you to your own crib in our room beside our bed. I did it the gentle way with no crying and you took to it by the second night and suddenly started sleeping 3-5 hours at a time. It took a while for me to adjust to you not being beside me all night, but now I am getting more sleep and feeling better for it. Your sister Lily is still waking twice a night to feed, but I am working on weaning her at night so then it will just be you and I up with the moon.

We also stopped swaddling you which I thought would be a big deal, but you seem totally fine without it. In fact you are just so much better off sleeping in your own space I don't think you've even noticed that we stopped swaddling you!

I have also been working on your naps which is a hard project because you require 3-4 naps a day still and we are always out and about doing toddler type activities with Lily. This means you are mostly napping on me in the Ergo, or in the car seat. As a result your naps are very short, about 40 mins tops. According to sleep studies, this is not even a full sleep cycle. So I am trying my hardest to get you a good and proper long nap in the afternoon around 3:30pm - the only nap you get to have at home in your bed.

Speaking of naps, you seem to have a "nap radar" that alerts you to when Lily has gone down for her nap. If you are asleep when she goes down, as soon as she is in her room, you wake up and don't go back to sleep til Lily wakes up. I think you know instinctively that this is your time to hang out with me ALL BY YOURSELF! I look forward to it and enjoy our special time together.

You are starting to play strange with people that aren't me or your Dada. In fact I had to come home early from a date night because you were freaking out with MY PARENTS!! We see them quite often, but not often enough for you to feel 100% secure with them. I didn't mind coming home early for the record and I thanked my parents for calling me even though they didn't want to. I couldn't imagine you being scared and wanting your mumma and not being able to find her. Your cry when I got home broke my heart.

You are very nearly crawling and I keep asking you if today will be the day! You get right up on all fours and rock back and forth, but you just can't seem to move those arms forward! You are happy to be on your belly for long periods of time and your determination to reach that toy just in front of you is enough to make you keep trying and trying and trying til you scream out in frustration. You can get to the toy eventually by squirming and wiggling and rolling, but you know there is a much more efficient and faster way to get there you just can't quite figure it out yet!

You can sit on your own, although I would never leave you sitting unattended as you still like to fall forwards, backwards, sideways and always seem to land on your face! You love playing with Lily on the rug and she is such a good big sister she is always bringing you toys and reading to you. You LOVE Lily and pay her back with big smiles and humongous helpings of laughter. I can see a lifelong friendship developing there and I am so happy for the two of you to have each other to journey through life together.

So far our foray into food has consisted of avocados, raspberries and carrot apple juice. You love it all and devour it like a monster. Your poop has suffered but today after 5 days without, you went and I instantly saw relief in your beautiful little face. It's hard work for your developing little innards but your desire for food is out weighing the need to poop and it'll all adjust itself in the end. There is a part of me that is sad the runny breast milk only poop is now a thing of the past. Yes your Mumma is a sad sad creature who gets sentimental about poop!

You are super sweet, quiet, calm, easy going and totally into chewing and sucking on ANYTHING you can get your tiny little hands on. You have said dadadadada a couple of times but for the most part prefer to coo and grunt. We let you "walk" in the grass the other day and you screamed out as if in pain. We thought for sure your foot had accidentally made contact with some sharp object we had failed to see. But upon inspection we found nothing so let you walk on the grass again. The same result was achieved. So at 6 months it is safe to say that grass is your mortal enemy and you do not wish to make contact with it EVER AGAIN THANK YOU! You do however like swings, shopping carts and your bumbo seat which I admit to having to put you in way more than I'd like to be. Again, you don't seem to mind, the easy going side of my dear sweet Nadia remains and I love you through and through.

Keep up the good work,
Your Mumma

6 Months!

2008-02-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

Could it be? 6 Months already? Happy 1/2 year birthday Valentine...

24 Months

2008-02-09T14:12:00.000-08:00

Dearest Lilian,

I can hardly believe I've known you for 2 years now. Sometimes it seems like it's gone by so fast and sometimes I can't believe it's only been 2 years cause it feels like you've always been here. In any case, I certainly couldn't imagine my life without you.

Your birthday was so much fun. Your dad was away working on your actual birthday for the second year in a row, so we celebrated your birthday over the course of 3 days. The day before your birthday we went out for dinner with Grammy and Poppa and you impressed everyone with how much sushi you consumed. On your actual birthday your Auntie Kyla and Halen came over and we played all day. Your Grandma and Grandpa in New Jersey sang you happy birthday on Skype and you kissed them goodbye on the computer screen. The day after your birthday we had some friends over, had a large raw food feast, ate Auntie Kyla's delicious raw cake she made for you and then watched the slide show your father and I made summing up your two years of life. We really had a fabulous time.

At 24 months you are a talking machine. You are life's little narrator following us around and telling us each and every little thing we are doing just in case we didn't know. You are answering questions and recounting stories of past events. Mostly you like to tell people over and over again about your latest injury and you love it when people kiss your "owies" all better. In fact right after they do kiss you you actually say "all better" and seem to believe that it is.

You love to draw and colour and play with your play dough. You love to play with your dolls and get me to dress them up. Yesterday you brought your baby doll to the grocery store and she rode in the cart next to you which was all your idea and the cutest, sweetest thing! You love to read and we have been going to the library each week and getting you new books. You can actually read us your favourite books now and will still tell us the stories from books we have already returned to the library. You love singing songs and doing all the actions and are really retaining a lot from our Mother Goose program. I thought you were more interested in climbing on the bleachers and playing with the stickers, but after each class you walk away singing the songs AND do the actions, so somehow in your own way, you are paying attention and learning a lot.

You are the best big sister to Nadia she could ever ask for. If she is fussing you will always stop what you are doing and go over and tell "it's okay baby Nadia, Mumma be right there." You love being naked and are constantly asking "Lily be naked?" Then you want everyone else to be naked too. You love crawling around naked on the floor with Nadia and you seem to be quite curious about her body parts. Actually you are just putting the pieces together and realizing the difference between girls and boys. You tell everyone who will listen that "Lily has a v.agina and Halen has a p.enis" You and Halen are like two little pees in a pod. You ask to play with him everyday and when you do you're inseparable following each other around and mimicking each other's every move. It makes your Auntie and I so happy and we are often heard saying "awwwwwww" a lot!

You are very messy. Like just recently you've discovered that toys look better spread all over the house. It exhausting trying to keep up with you and your toy rampages. I think maybe we have too many toys or something, but it doesn't seem that way when they are all neatly put away in their baskets. I pick up after you non stop and watch you dump out baskets as I'm cleaning up another. It's frustrating to look right at you and ask you not to throw all your books on the floor and for you to look right at me and continue doing what I'm asking you to not do. You test my patience on a daily basis and sometimes I feel like I'm barely keeping it together. But then you'll run right up to me and plant a big juicy kiss on my lips and give me the biggest hug and I remember the good times Although the toys will not pick themselves up, they can wait til after "Mumma chase Lily" and "Mumma draw" is all done.

Truly fabulous being your Mumma Lily. Keep up the good work!
Love,
Your Mummy
(you say Mummy more than Mumma lately and at first I thought I didn't like being called Mummy as much as I loved being called Mumma, but you know what, I love my new name too just as long as it's you who's saying it).

Happy Birthday Lily!!

2008-01-31T13:03:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I have a 2 year old! I can't believe I've been a mumma for 2 years already! Where has the time gone???? Time is flying so fast in fact, that she is already 2 years and one day old! (yes I am a little late in posting this but we were just having too much on her actual birthday to get to the computer). So without further ado, here is a little video we made with some highlights from her 2 years of life. It's actually the finale to a much longer video, but I won't subject you to that!

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

5 Months

2008-01-25T21:38:00.000-08:00

Dearest Nadia,

Once again, I am late posting your monthly letter. Once again, I don't really think you mind. You are still the easy going baby you've always been. You are however protesting and expressing yourself more audibly than you ever have before. You seem to get frustrated easily if an object you are trying to put into your mouth just won't quite make it in there. And you like to be entertained now, where as before you were pretty content just hanging about. Today I asked lily to read a book to you while I was making dinner. Shockingly enough she actually listened to me and read you book after book after book for about 10 minutes or so. You were in heaven and you stared and smiled and cooed away at her the whole time. The only time I've seen you laugh out loud when we are not tickling you is when you are watching something your sister is doing. You think she is the funniest person in the whole entire world.

You are beautiful beyond words. Your skin is so smooth and soft and dark. Your eyes still haven't fully changed into whatever colour they are going to be, so they are the neatest most unique colour I've ever seen. In fact I don't even know what colour to call them cause they sort of look blue, grey, green and brown all at the same time. You love being naked and let out this delightful little squeal when you are. You finally got the hang of jumping and now the Jolly Jumper is where it's at for you. You love being held but you also like your tummy time and you are pretty good at rolling all over the floor to get to whatever object is most desired by you at any given time. You've also just recently begun getting up on all 4's!!! I can hardly believe we're almost at the crawling stage (Lily was just 6.5 months when she began crawling) already! You are almost sitting up on your own too and while it's not so good if you fall backwards, if you fall forwards you are able to catch yourself and support your own weight and gently adjust your position til you're on your tummy.

You have a bedtime now which is conveniently right after I put Lily to bed around 8:30pm. You still like to be swaddled at night so all I have to do is swaddle you up, give you a little boobie and you pass right out. I tried to not swaddle you for a couple of nights, but you would have nothing of it. Your sleep at night lately has been bloody awful and I am left feeling frustrated and extremely tired come morning. In fact lately I've been feeling like a bit of a zombie as I've been getting up to feed you and your sister in the night. I'm not quite sure why you have all of a sudden stopped sleeping for more then 2 hours at a time, but I'm thinking of starting you on solids a few weeks early to see if that makes a difference.

This month you found your thumb and you are the cutest little thumb sucker I've ever seen! Lily was never a thumb sucker, but I wish she was. It's so wonderful that you can self sooth yourself when you just need that little bit of extra comfort. Like in the car seat, you often suck your thumb and have been having a much better time when we go for car rides. Yes I have heard that it's not as great as a soother because you can't take it away when you are older, but it seems more natural than shoving some plastic in your mouth and I figure we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

You finally got your first tear this month as well. Just a tiny single little tear that didn't even make the long journey down your cheek, just sort of lingered on your lower eye lid for a while and then seemed to disappear with your next smile.

I love you with all my heart and just a little bit more,
Mumma

23 Months

2008-01-13T09:51:00.001-08:00

Dearest Lilian,

What a difference a month makes. I am just not sure if it's you or if it's me that's done the most changing. Probably a little of both I imagine. Whatever the case may be, you are suddenly easier to get along with. Perhaps it's that you've made leaps and bounds in you language development. Suddenly you are speaking full sentences and are able to answer questions instead of just repeating the questions back to us. You can tell us when you are excited, or sad or when you hurt yourself. I really think that this has made you less frustrated and more patient somehow. We hardly ever butt heads and I haven't sent you for a time out in many weeks.

You have suddenly become so interested in books, which is wonderful for my active little girl to want to sit on my lap while we read book after book after book. Nadia likes it too so we often read books together. You are still such a wonderful big sister and you love to hug and kiss and hold Nadia at every opportunity. You are unsure however of her grabby little hands which are figuring out this world and often grabbing at anything in their path including your hair and clothes. But so far you just shout "No baby Nadia!" and haven't lashed out at her. She remains completely smitten with you, her big sister and is quite content to stare and stare and stare at you with the biggest smile on her face. It makes me very happy to see such love there and I hope you will be best friends like your aunties and me are.

In addition to your talking, you have suddenly begun singing songs. We have sung to you from the beginning and I sing lullaby's to you each and every night, and as it turns out, you were really listening. Singing has also been a very handy tool to calm you down and make long car rides seem a little shorter. We just got back from a wonderful 4 week vacation in New Jersey and there we did a ton of driving. You were easily amused singing us songs or demanding that we sing you songs. We have even been teaching you Happy Birthday is preparation for your upcoming "gasp" 2nd birthday!!

While in New Jersey you were the bestest little flower girl at Uncle and Jai's wedding. You made everyone in the church sigh and awe as you walked down the aisle and actually threw the rose petals from your basket to the floor. We kept you up very late that night and you loved dancing with your Auntie Shirley and having me chase you around the reception hall. Like always, you were a ton of fun to be around and kepy all us boring adults thoroughly entertained the whole night.

Our next project is to try to get you to stop your night feedings. In addition to feeding Nadia all night long, I am still getting up 1 or 2 times a night to feed you. You have very little interest in food during the day and so I groggily get up to feed you every night thinking you must be starving. But I am getting very little sleep at night and I am starting to feel down right exhausted in the mornings. So with no clue as to how we are going to accomplish this, away we go...

I love you with every fiber of my being and just a little bit more.
Your Mumma (although you sometimes call me Mommy now

4 Months

2007-12-25T09:59:00.000-08:00

Dearest Nadia,

I am late writing this as usual, but I have a feeling you don't really mind. That's just the kind of gal you are, easy going, 100% forgiving and confident in our love for you.

You just got over your first major cold and you handled it like a trouper. You smiled and hardly fussed through the whole thing. You even lost your voice so when you tried to cry or talk in your cute little voice, all that came out was a very high pitched crackly sound, making you even cuter than normal.

I am finding myself more sentimental and emotional about your ever changing status, much more so than how I was with Lily. With Lily I was excited to see all the changes that were happening so fast and were totally brand new to us. People kept telling us that it's so sad how fast they grow up and we were a little confused because we were so fascinated with all of the new things she could do we wanted to see more and more. But now that I see how fast you children really do change, I find myself wanting to hold you back a little. I got all weepy when you grew out of your first size of Kushies diapers. They're just diapers I know, but it means you really are growing and changing and soon you'll be the toddler your sister is and not want to be held and snuggled as much as you do now. So I hold you close to me all night long, sleeping blissfully with you in my arms. I hold you close during the day, snuggled up warm and cozy in the Ergo carrier. And I save blurry fuzzy pictures of you because I don't want to ever forget certain faces you make.

You are 12lbs 5oz, rolling from your tummy to your back and starting to grab your feet. You love to stand but don't seem to be into jumping like Lily was, so you just stand in your Jolly Jumper and watch Lily jump on the floor in front of you. You love to be on your tummy and you hold hold your head up real high. You are a mad barfer and I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't wander around with spit up on my shirts. You are entering the "only have eyes for mommy" stage and will stare and stare at me from across the room, melting my heart each and every time.

Forever yours,
Mumma

Time Out

2007-12-12T15:17:00.000-08:00

Well well well, I do have a back bone after all! Thanks so much for all your wise words of mothering wisdom. Things have certainly been going a lot smoother round these parts. This is largely do to me grabbing a brain and realizing I need to start setting some boundaries and laying out some discipline.

I had always heard of parents using "time outs" but I never really knew exactly how they worked or when we would need to start using them. Apparently the moment when "time outs" begin is literally just that, a moment. One moment you are fine and the next, well, it's clear this is what you need. It really does feel like this switch has been flipped and suddenly Lily is pushing the limits of our patience every chance she gets. But we have been putting her in time out before anything escalates and I become so emotionally involved that I snap rather than keeping my cool. Basically if she doesn't listen to me when I am saying "no" (usually for her own safety or the safety of Nadia) then I put her in her room and close the door. She cries right away and then I let her out after about 30 seconds. So far the next time she has tried to do whatever she was previously trying to do, she stops and says "no Lily do, Lily time out!" She's one smart cookie I tell you, and we are all much more confident and happy round this house!!

22 Months

2007-12-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

Dearest Lilian,

I can't seem to sugar coat this post. Maybe I shouldn't be writing this right now, maybe I should wait til we have some better times together. But then I wouldn't be accurately accounting for your behavior at 22 months. In one word, I would describe you as trying. In a bunch of words I would include the good things as well. There are plenty of good things, more good than bad, but right now, I feel like talking about the bad things.

You have always been energetic, it's always been a handful, but you are just so entertaining and incredibly skilled at your physical feats that I've never thought of your energy as trying. But lately, your energy is challenging and exhausting. You have 3 band aids on your body to prove that. The first band aid is on your finger, the very finger that challenged the wood stove to a duel and lost. While looking right at my father while he was telling you not to touch the wood stove, the very wood stove that you have never tried to touch before, you reached out and touched it and burnt 4 of your fingers. Then, thinking that you must have learned your lesson about the word "hot" you looked right at me and touched an exposed light bulb as I was telling you it was "hot." You have not stopped talking about your fingers and the word "hot" since that happened almost 2 weeks ago. Please my lovely daughter, listen to us when we tell you something is "hot," we are telling you for your own safety.

The second band aid is on your leg, where your leg and the wall collided after doing laps around and around our house at a speed best suited for large open soft spaces. But that is what you do, you run and run and run and don't stop running from the time you wake up til the time you go to bed. You fall and you hurt yourself, but you get up and keep running. I suppose the fact that you keep going is a testament to your perseverance and reverence for life, but you will also run around while crying very loudly about your previous fall. You'll cry and you'll whine til I feel like my head will explode. I try to be patient with you, but the whining is nerve racking and it's hard to comfort you when I sort of feel like you're putting me on and just whining for the sake of whining.

The third band aid is on your big toe, the very same big toe that your Dadda's plate landed on this afternoon. Your Dadda was holding Baby Nadia and trying to wolf down some food at the same time. We had made you lunch and you did your usual 1 minute stint in your chair and then you just wanted to sit on your Dadda's lap like you always do while we are eating. But he was holding Baby Nadia and couldn't have you on his lap and was asking you very patiently to stop trying to climb up. But you kept climbing and started with that horrible whining and then you grabbed onto the table to try to hoist yourself up and you knocked your Dadda's plate of food onto your big toe. You had alligator tears, a big bloody cut and your Dadda's lunch was all over the floor. Of course we comforted you, but we were frustrated with your behaviour and it leaves us feeling grumpy and confused as to how to handle these situations better.

This morning I didn't handle a similar frustrating situation very well and it makes me question whether I am a very good mother or not. You had just gone to the potty, so I knew you didn't have to pee. Nadia had just woken up so I put her on your potty like I always do. Usually you watch and hold Nadia's hand while she takes her sweet time getting a poop out. I really do think that you observing your little sister using the potty has empowered you to use your potty more often and we have had very little wet diapers in this house lately. And that is one of those good things that make me so proud of you. But his morning, for some reason, you insisted on sitting on the potty so I couldn't pee your sister. She of course peed all over the floor and you, having already gone pee, did not produce any more into the potty. I explained to you that Nadia still needed to use the potty to make a poop, and you very unhappily got off the potty. But then you kept trying to sit on Nadia and I didn't have enough hands to hold Nadia and defend her at the same time and my voice was getting less and less calm in asking for you to not sit on your sister. I am sure that you must feed off my energy and my telling you to stop and your unwillingness to do so was escalating the negative energy between us. So you stopped trying to sit on Nadia and instead took advantage of me having no hands to defend myself, and poke me in the eye, hit my face really hard and then pulled my hair so hard I thought you were going to rip it out. I reacted, and instead of reacting calmly, I reacted by pushing you away and yelling very loudly. I think I scared you and I could see confusion in your watery eyes. I'm sorry I reacted in such a negative way Lily, but sometimes you frustrate me so much that I can't seem to find it in myself to be patient and calm with you.

I realize that this is it, I am parenting right now, I'm in the thick of it and every move I make will have either a positive or a negative effect on you. I want only the very best for you. I want desperately to be the very best parent I can possibly be. I have so many hopes and dreams for you and even though I know all these things, sometimes I can't handle the day to day challenges that your 22 month little self demands of me. I feel afraid that I might be permanently damaging you.

All this being said, I really do love you. I love your sweet little voice and your constant chatter. I love your spirit and your laughter. I love reading you "Goodnight Gorilla" over and over again. I love it when you "help" me do laundry and wash the dishes. I love singing songs with you and I love that you are trying to sing along with me now. I love the way you say "lullaby" when you are tired and want me to sing you to sleep. I love seeing the world through your eyes. Please just know that I am trying my hardest to be the best mother I can be.

Love your Mumma

November

2007-11-28T21:10:00.000-08:00

Since I don't seem to have time for words these days, here is a video montage of some great moments this month.

3 Months

2007-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

22" long and 11lbs 1oz - exactly double your 5lb 8.5oz birth weight!

How did that happen? 3 Months, um hello, where was I? It's just not the same the second time around and for the most part the differences are greatly appreciated. But I miss the hours and hours of time I got to spend staring at Lily waiting for her to do something-anything! You baby Nadia are just changing so freakin' fast and you're doing it all by yourself tucked neatly under my arm while we give most of our attention to Lily. I just hope that I have stared at you enough, cause wham! you are no longer a newborn but a real baby now!

You have lost your newborn acne and your skin is so very dark and magnificent. You never got the cradle cap that your older sister donned for months and months and your skin is buttery smooth and never seems to need lotions or creams to keep it from drying out. However your bum is often red no matter how often we change your Kushies diapers, just super sensitive I guess. You do enjoy your diaper free time, but again you just don't get as much nude time as your big sis did. Your eyes are still blue, although a much grayer blue than Lily's.

We set the bassinet up in the living room so there would be a safe place for you to hang out when I need both my hands. Well the safeness of it lasted all of one day when Lily discovered that she can push a chair up to it and climb right in. You love to stare at your mobile and you chirp and coo away at it like it's your best friend. You are a very happy baby and you give away smiles for free every chance you get. And you are even starting to laugh at our silly faces and strange toys we dangle in front of your face.

You really do love your sister and you stare and stare at whatever she is doing and give her the biggest smiles. Lily says she is sorry that she came up and grabbed your head so hard that you cried and cried and cried. It's the first time in 3 months that she's hurt you and it sort of caught us all by surprise. Usually she just wants to hold you and pet your head lovingly. It breaks my heart to hear you cry like you did. Thankfully you don't have any tears as of yet so it makes it slightly easier.

You really are an easy baby. You are a great sleeper, a good eater and you are so fun to be around. Just slow down a little there mad developer - I feel like I'm gonna miss it all if I blink too much!

Love,
Your Boobie

Freak out much!

2007-11-09T13:17:00.000-08:00

One thing with becoming a mother of two is that you suddenly have twice the amount to worry about. For the most part I feel like I am keeping it together on a daily basis. I would even say that I am feeling quite relaxed and I am having fun with my 2 girls. But every once in a while I feel overwhelmed and a bit crazy in the head. I breastfeed so bloody much lately that I hardly even notice when I am anymore. I am not really paying attention to the one on the boob, I'm watching out for the one not one the boob, the one getting into everything and taking advantage of me not having two arms at that moment. So sometimes, when I am breastfeeding Lily for example and someone is holding Nadia for me, I will look out into a room and not see my children playing with the other children and I will shout "oh my god where are my children!!" in a rather alarming and scary voice. Every one in the room will look over at me in confusion, I will recognize this all too familiar look and look down to see that Lily is on the boob and remember that Nadia is being held by one of the mother's looking at me. It's very embarrassing but a serious problem I find myself having lately.

Combined with that I am still having the horrible visions of the worst possible outcome of any given activity that my children partake in. For example, today at play group I saw Jackson playing with Lily's eyes and I told him to "be careful, gentle, eyes are not for playing with" etc etc. Then I looked away for 2 seconds and I heard Lily scream in pain. Instantly before my eyes I envisioned Jackson pushing Lily's eye back into her skull and I shouted "OH MY GOD!" super loud and hugged her close. Then in my panicked state I accused Jackson of biting Lily's face right beside her eye! Upon closer examination we could all see that he had not bitten Lily but just scratched her with his nail. But the damage was done, I had freaked out everyone in the room and accused a friends son of biting my Lily. AND I had really freaked Lily out who was already upset about the scratch and she threw up right there in front of us all unable to deal with the state of panic I had put the whole room into. What a freak I am!!

I love being a mother of two. Our family feels complete and full to overflowing with love, but boy oh boy those visions are hard to control. But for the sake of everyone else around me who seems to be keeping it together, I really must keep it in check and try shouting "your okay, it's just a little scratch" and inside my head shout "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

2 Months

2007-10-16T15:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Nadia
What can I say. At 2 months you are becomming less blob like and your charming personality is shinning through. You are what I think people refer to as a dream baby. You are generally quite content and you smile at everyone and anyone whenever you can. You give me a nice uniterupted 5 hour stretch of sleep each night and you are gaining weight like a champ. 9 and 1/2 pounds of pure baby delight! You have rolled over from your stomach to your back once and you love to bathe with your sister - staring and smiling at every splash and shriek she makes. You are currently quite enamoured with your Papa and he with you. If you are ever fussy he seems to have the magic touch with getting you to calm down and go to sleep. In fact he naps with you resting quietly on his stomache most afternoons. I am taking a Mom and Babe Yoga class and it is so nice to have an uninterupted hour to stare at you. You think most of the Yoga moves are very funny and for the most part, I'd have to agree with you.

I love you with all my heart and just a little bit more.
Love your mumma.

The Great Virtual Breast Fest

2007-10-10T14:59:00.000-07:00

Today the League of Maternal Justice called for a Virtual Breast Fest to show the world that breastfeeding is not obscene. They asked for anyone and everyone to take video or post pictures today in celebration of the breast. Here are our contributions to the cause...

20 Months

2007-10-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

Dearest Lilian,

Where to start! Let's see, well I am convinced that you are the most brilliant, smartest, cutest genius on the face of the planet. Honestly. Every day for the past 2 months you have been gaining words like a superstar. You are up to four word sentences now and your pronunciation is spot on. Not only do you say words, you also seem to have a total understanding of those words and their meanings. You are also fascinated with letters and can pick out letters out of any written word you see. When we ask you to bring us your magnetic letters from the fridge, you always bring back the correct letters that we have asked for. You not only love to pick out letters and repeat them over and over again, you also love to ask people to write them out. You can demand that people write your favourite letters over and over again for as long as you see fit. Your favourite letters are O M N R A and P.

Your heart is kind and gentle and full of love. You have never been anything but sweet and gentle with your sister Nadia. You have patience beyond my capacity to explain, because impatience seems to run in my family. You love your cousin Halen and call him your buddy. You two play so well together it's been a nice treat to take a step back and drink tea with Kyla while you guys entertain yourselves. There was a time not so long ago when you rather enjoyed using Halen's noggin as your personal punching bag. It was quite stressful and confusing. Why would my darling little angel want to hurt my darling little nephew? Not sure exactly what the right approach to dealing with your sudden outbursts of fury was, I one day redirected your arm to hit a pillow. You thought it was hilarious and continued to hit said pillow while laughing hysterically. After that you would stop yourself before hitting Halen, look at me and say "nice" and then go find that pillow and hit it with all your might. You even ran upstairs to hit the pillow as we were playing downstairs with Halen and I guess you felt the urge again. I am sure you will figure out that it doesn't have to be just that one pillow and that you can use any old pillow to redirect your rage. I am just so happy that it has worked out and now you and Halen are the best of friends which makes your auntie and I smile.

You are a champion bike rider and can push yourself on your bike great distances. In fact we rarely bring the stroller on our walks as you are able to bike to and from town no problem. You also love to be outside. When you are ready to leave the confines of our house, you stand by the door and shout "outside, bike, playground, the loud!" The loud is what you have so cleverly nicknamed the big machinery that is digging new foundations in the hideous new development that we used to call our woods. On the plus side, the fresh new pavement in perfect for you to ride your bike on and so we often go walking to "The Loud." Actually you call anything that makes noise "The Loud" such as our blender and the stereo.

You have started having crushes on people, people who will play your games and take the time to be silly with you. You are finally able to talk in the past tense about things you have done and when you have had a particularly good time with someone you will talk about them all the next day. You have certain things that you like to do with certain people and your favourite people are the ones who will do what they have always done with you. Your least favourite people are the ones who try to force you to play their new games instead of the old ones or the ones you make up. You know what you want, you always have, and there is no way anyone is going to change your mind. The stubbornness is from my side for sure, but another term for it is strong willed and that is a very good trait to have.

You love your grandma with all your heart and when she leaves in 3 weeks, it's going to be a very sad thing for sure. I am so incredibly happy for you to have such a strong, beautiful relationship with her. Not many children get to experience that closeness with their grandparents and I know it makes your grandma very happy as well. The help that they have given us with you and little Nadia is so amazing and selfless, words can hardly express how much it has meant to us. You are one very lucky girl to have such love in your life. As a mother I couldn't ask for a better environment to raise you in.

Since your dadda's been off work on Paternity leave, you and he have become the very best of friends. Every morning, rain or shine, you two get up and let me sleep in with Nadia and you go for a walk or a bike ride to one of your favourite destinations. Through the eyes of your momma, I see that your dadda is beside himself with pride and admiration for his little girl. I couldn't have picked a better father for you and I am so glad we get this time together as a family to really get to know one another. In fact he has enjoyed his time off with you so much that we are desperately trying to figure out a way to send him back to work part time. We always want you to know that you are more important than work and money.

I don't really want to talk about potty training because it's a bit of a gong show around here at the moment unfortunately. I am sure it is a combined lack of inconsistency and that you will one day allow us to put you on the potty without screaming and going stiff as a board. We have just implemented the "get a sticker every time you pee in the potty game" and so far you seem to think it's a pretty cool new thing. So we'll see how that goes.

I don't really want to talk about sleep either, but I will for future reference. You still wake up one to two times a night. This means that I have to get up out of bed and breast feed you one to two times a night. This in addition to the two to three times a night I am up feeding your sister, equals not a lot of sleep for me. I am pretty sure it has a lot to do with your current language development taking over your brain and not allowing you the peace you need to shut down for 10-12 hours in a row. In fact when I go into your room to feed you in the middle of the night, you immediately start talking up a storm in your tired little voice. I am not sure when this current sleep regression will end, but for the sake of your tired mumma, can I please put in a request that you start sleeping through the night sooner than later.

I am sure there is so much more that I should be documenting here, but you just woke up from your nap (thankfully you still sleep for about 2 1/2 hours every afternoon). So to end this letter let me just say that I love you with all my heart and I always will. Thank you for making life so frickin' awesome.

Cheers,
Mumma

Right, I have a blog...

2007-09-26T13:49:00.001-07:00

Nadia is 6.5 weeks already!! She weighed in at a lofty 8.5 pounds, which means she has gained a whopping 3 pounds in 6 weeks! She has also grown and is now 21.5" long. She continues to amaze us with her easy going personality and her incredible ability to sleep for long chunks of time, like 5 to 6 hours at a time for the first part of the night. I am so madly in love!

4 Weeks!

2007-09-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

Time is blur these days as it whips by us at an alarming rate. In many ways I feel like Nadia has always been here as she has fit into our life so seamlessly. I feel like it was sooooo long ago since I was pregnant and at the same time, I feel like everything has just happened. I can't account for the 4 weeks of time that have passed since Nadia's arrival. But I know the calendar can't be lying after our trip to the midwives today. Nadia is a whopping 7lbs 4.5oz and 20.5" long! She has gained 18oz in 13 days and 28.5oz since her birth. She is getting chubby little legs, arms and cheeks. She has really got this whole life thing figured out and has confidence and brilliance oooozing from her beautiful pores. It's like she understands that life right now is about eating sleeping and pooping and not a whole lot more. And she is totally okay with that. Last night she slept for 5 hours straight cuddled up in my arms and making her sweet little mousy noises. I am totally smitten with my perfect easy going baby. I even told Devinder that I'm glad he didn't have a certain little surgery after all, cause I can totally see us having more kids!! I never thought that would ever cross my mind, let alone leave my lips! I guess we'll see how I feel once the babymoon wears off and Devinder has to go back to work.

A Rose by Any Other Name...

2007-09-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Well it took us 22 days to decide, but we have finally chosen a middle name. Please welcome the lovely miss Nadia Rose, named after my sister Meghan Rose.In other news, we are all doing very well over here at chez 2 kids. Nadia is a very easy going laid back sort of baby - which is FABULOUS for everyone around her. We seem to be in the habit of getting 4 straight hours of sleep a night - which is really helping me to feel a lot more human come morning time. Lily still continues to be the bestest big sister in the world, forever kissing Nadia. Today she held Nadia's hand while she stepped into her basket, as if Nadia was helping her. Then Lily hurt her hand and tried to get Nadia to kiss it for her. I love how she likes to include Nadia in her daily needs.We are all learning about the importance of timing when you have 2 babies. I have yet to be on time for anything since Nadia was born, but today I was only 10 minutes late for the baby shower my girls threw me this morning. I considered it a small victory on the timing front. It's not just a matter of getting everything needed all packed for whatever expedition we are embarking on that day, it's about getting the needs of all parties involved in said expedition taken care of in a timely fashion. Just when we think we have it all together and are about to walk out the door, somebody will need some boobie, or a diaper change, or a complete costume change, or or or...it's always something different and I am trying my hardest to just be calm and patient in these situations. I am also trying to be okay with our house being in a constant state of disarray due to the fact that I never seem to have 2 hands to myself anymore. Thus the lack of posting - cause who has time to type one handed anymore! I say it on a daily basis and I'll say it again, I don't know how the heck I would do this without the amount of help we have - so thank you to you all!

Final Belly Shots

2007-08-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

37 Weeks pregnant (and in labour), Lily 18.5 Months Old:Lily 18.75 Months Old, Nadia 10 days Old:

Nadia's Birth Story

2007-08-21T22:05:00.000-07:00

After counting down the days til 37 weeks so we could have our home birth, Nadia decided it was time to meet us all at 37 weeks 2 days. I woke up that morning to what I thought was a leak in my waters. I was incredibly wet, and I felt a sudden loss in the pelvic pressure I had been feeling all week. I actually felt really good, and light and happy. We had a lovely morning with just Devinder and Lily and I hanging out together. We took her to her music class, first time for Devinder, and she loved having both of us there. Then we went for lunch and did all of our last minute running around, somehow we must have known that she would arrive later that night. As a last minute thought, we stopped in at the midwives to see if anyone was available to double check that my waters hadn't broken. After a quick internal I was informed that my waters were still intact, but I was 5cm dilated and the baby had turned slightly and was really ready to go!

After we got home we laid down for a nap around 2pm and that's when I started having regular contractions. I timed them for about an hour, but they were kinda all over the map at 10 minutes apart, then 8, then 5 then back up to 10 etc... Still, it felt like the real thing so we cleaned the house and went to the lake for a swim with my sister Kyla and our good friend Rebecca. By the time we arrived at the lake my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. I had just enough time to swim out to the the logs, then have a contraction and then swim back to shore and have another. They weren't painful, but they were building in intensity. The water was so warm and clear, it was exactly where I wanted to be.

After I got out of the water and sat on our beach blanket, something changed and that's when I knew that we really and truly were going to have our baby that very day. Because Lily's birth was so frickin' fast, Devinder had wanted to call the midwife when my contractions started at 2pm. I asked him to wait and let me listen to my body for a while. I promised I wasn't going to leave it to the last second, this time I was going to get the midwife there in plenty of time, I just didn't feel I needed her there right then. In the car on the way home from the lake I had a contraction and stopped talking to breath through it. I felt the car go silent. After the contraction finished I told Devinder that when we got home we should probably call the midwife. Before I'd even finished my sentence he had the midwife on the cell phone and she was on her way to our house!!

When we got home I had a nice long shower while Devinder began filling the birth pool and rearranging the furniture to accommodate the midwife's gear. Lily was happily helping fill the pool and playing with the water thermometer. My contractions were roughly 5 minutes apart, and getting stronger when Deborah the midwife arrived just after 6pm. I called Kyla and told her she should probably come over and then my mom called to see if we needed anything. I told her she should probably think about making a visit later in the night to meet our new baby. I was feeling super confident and excited to be in labour and progressing at a nice and easy pace. So different from last time!

The timing of this labour couldn't have been more perfect. Lily refused to nap during the day and was ready for bed around 7pm. I had originally thought that I wanted her to attend the birth, and perhaps had the timing not been so perfect to just put her to bed for the night, maybe she would have been there. It was nice to have her there in the beginning stages but all in all, I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Her grandparents fed her dinner, gave her a bath and put her to bed in their room downstairs so we didn't have to worry about a thing!

The only part that was rather bad timing was that labour was really getting rolling right at dinner time so I never really got to eat. I was trying to drink a green smoothie and eat some watermelon, but my contractions were getting stronger and the pool was calling out to me. So I climbed in and felt instant relief from the horrible back pain I was experiencing due to Nadia lying prosterior (her spine to my spine). Devinder had been pushing on my back during each contraction, but once I made it into the water I felt fine without his pushing. The water truly was the liquid epidural I had often read about and I was so happy that we went with the birthing pool instead of the cramped bathtub like last time. The only time my contractions were really a nuisance was when I would get out of the pool to go pee. Having contractions on dry land was incredibly painful and I was so glad to get back in the pool after every pee.

Kyla arrived just after 7pm with the biggest smile I'd ever seen. The energy in the room was already so positive and light, but she brought a whole new excited energy to the birth, and because she had always been a part of the birth plan, I felt complete and ready to go. The contractions were strong, but I was having no problem breathing through them, and even with both midwives there and my sister and Devinder, I still found it easy to concentrate when a contraction came on.

Then my mom suddenly appeared. She had come over to wait it out with Devinder's parents downstairs, but thought she'd come upstairs and see how we were making out. At first it was strange to see her there, I think because it was never apart of the birth plan, and with Kyla already there I felt like everything was already in place. I felt slightly disrespected for a moment, cause my mom had already asked if I needed her and I told her we were good to go and I would call her when the baby arrived. But then I introduced her to the midwives and Deborah told my mom that she loved her daughters and suddenly I realised that I was surrounded by total and complete love and support. I told my mom that I was okay with her staying and continued labouring on through. It turned out to be a great thing in the end, cause it freed Devinder up to just be with me. My mom took on the roll of making sure the pool was always at the right temperature and Kyla took pictures. When I look back I couldn't imagine not having my mom there, and I know she was so incredibly thrilled to be there. I am glad to have shared this experience with her.

I can't really give an accurate time line as things are already kinda blurring together, but I don't think it really matters anyways. What I always want to remember is how good I felt physically, mentally and emotionally. The contractions were strong, but I was always able to concentrate on my breathing and when they were over they were quickly forgotten. In between contractions I felt totally clear in the head, I felt strong, confident and completely loved. In between contractions we were telling stories and cracking jokes. I want to always remember that I was really having a great time. Yes that's right, I was having fun while in labour!

Devinder was amazing, I always want to remember that too. He was always there for me through each contraction, stroking my hair or pushing on my back. He helped me in and out of the water every time I had to pee and was always there to support me whenever I changed positions. I felt such love towards him and we were both so excited to meet our baby this time, where as with last time, we never had time to go there.

The only part of the birth that I would change is when Deborah broke my waters for me. I felt pressured into letting her do it even though from what I've read and heard from people I know, you can birth your baby while they are still in the bag of waters. I really wanted a totally intervention free birth and in my mind I can't help but wonder if her breaking the waters was what slowed my progress down and made the pushing stage so hard. Prior to her breaking my waters I had a lot of pressure which was good because I had something to push against and I actually had the urge to push. After she broke my waters I felt instant relief from all the back and hip pain I was experiencing due to the pressure, but I never felt the urge to push again. With Lily, my body did all the pushing, like I was possessed or something. I think I was waiting to be possessed again, but it quickly became apparent that I was going to have to push this baby out and my body was not going to give me much help. So the frustrating part was learning how to push. I was totally fine with breathing deeply through each contraction, but it wasn't enough to push her out. So that's when things became little less fun. Pushing was exhausting and yes, quite painful. I made some horrible noises that even scared myself, I pushed till I thought my eyes would pop out into the pool. I was making progress, but with each push that thrust her down, when I would stop pushing she would come back up a bit. You know the saying, 2 steps forward, one step back, that's exactly what was happening so it was a bit frustrating and it was quickly tiring me out.

So I actually got out of the pool and tried some standing positions while holding onto Devinder. This did the trick and got her waaay further down til she was practically crowning. Once back in the pool I think it only took a couple of pushes to get her out. I was pulling my legs back to my chest and my chin was touching my chest, so I actually got to see her head come out, which gave me the strength to keep pushing to get the rest of her out. The relief was incredible once she was out and she was lifted onto my chest and gave a tiny little cry. I experienced a whole range of emotions as I held her to me. I felt so happy and proud and relieved, but I also kept asking if she was okay because, holy crap there was a tiny little baby on me and 2 seconds earlier there wasn't. Overwhelming I guess would be the word. It was pretty cool hearing everyone else's excitement and the room felt so full of life and energy, it truly was a birthday party and the guest of honour had just arrived.

I hobbled my way over to the couch to birth the placenta while the midwives did a quick baby one over and the she was back on my chest looking all around. Of course we didn't yet know that she was a she so we pull back the towel to have a look and were both quite surprised to see a lovely little vagina staring back at us. I had completely convinced myself we were having a boy since this whole entire pregnancy and labour and birth were so incredibly different!! I instantly felt such excitement that Lily had a sister to go through life with, after all, I have 2 sisters and I couldn't imagine life without them.

I escaped the birth with no tearing which has made recovery so incredibly fast, and not having to get stitched up right after was a huge relief. After I birthed the placenta we all gathered around and took a good look at it. Amazing, unbelievably amazing! While I was getting cleaned up Devinder took Nadia for the first time and introduced her to his mom. I guess she tried to latch onto Devinder's nipple, or big hairy man boob as he likes to call it. So she really had no problem whatsoever latching onto my boobie once I was settled in bed. Of course once she latched on the afterbirth pains began. I remember them from after Lily's birth, my uterus continuing to contract and the intense cramping that accompanies it, but it's waaaay worse the second time around. But, like labour, I've made it through and have almost forgotten any pain that was ever associated with it all. I am left only with wonderful memories of a perfect birth and a beautiful daughter to remind me of it all everyday.

Day 5

2007-08-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

Where to begin! First off, the birth was amazing and fun! I am still working on my birth story and I hope to get it up here in the next few days. Thanks for all your lovely congratulations!

Secondly, Lily has been amazing! She loves to give Nadia big wet juicy kisses ALL THE TIME!! She has been so patient and caring and understanding. She has just adjusted so well I can hardly believe it. And holy cow is she ever happy I have so much milk in my boobies again! Tandum nursing is so far quite funny, but doable. My milk supply is out of control though because I seem to be making enough to feed a toddler and not just a newborn.

Thirdly, I am feeling fantastic! I was so lucky to not have torn this time, and I already feel pretty much healed. Last night I went for a bike ride and I feel totally great today. I am slightly emotional and have a tendency to cry over how much I miss Lily. I was warned I would feel this way, but you can never really prepare yourself for what it will feel like. I was putting away her clothes today and I cried because I realised I never put her in a single one of those outfits I was putting away. I had no idea how they'd gotten dirty or where she'd even worn them. I cry because I feel like I am missing her life, like she is growing up while I am sleeping and nursing Nadia. At the same time, I am so thankful for all the helping hands we have to entertain Lily. I think without everyone around the transition wouldn't have gone so smoothly, and i know her daddy is LOVING this special bonding time with her. It's just that I have spent my entire days for the past 18 months watching Lily grow and develop and I miss our routine and quality time we used to have together. But I know it will get easier, that's just how I feel right now.

Fourthly, Nadia is amazing! She is a fantastic nurser, and last night she even slept 4 hours between feeds! She seems pretty content as long as she is swaddled and warm and has boobie. She is gaining weight like a champ and her quiet warbles are so entertaining and sweet. I had the added bonus of my milk already being in somewhat since Lily has never stopped nursing. So we never had to supplement Nadia like we did with Lily. Life is just simpler and calmer and all my worries about having a small baby were for nothing.

Fifthly, why don't we have our second babies first?!?! I think Glenna said it best when she told me your second child is born to a mother. I am so relaxed and calm with Nadia. I spent so much time worrying with Lily when she was born. Everything just seems so natural and easy this time round.

Our Little Nadia...

2007-08-15T21:32:00.002-07:00

We spent the afternoon & evening swimming

2007-08-15T00:59:00.000-07:00

Rebecca’s birth pool is much larger than our bathtub. With Lily, the midwife and I were squished between the wall and the toilet, perched over the tub attending Marussia. Tonight we had the luxury of a large, circular pool with space all around…for Kyla’s photography, Sadie’s fetal heart monitor, Lynnette’s water glass, Deborah’s birthing stool and room enough for me to hold Marussia and still not feel crowded. The baby was delivered posterior, her spine against Marussia’s spine, making this birth longer and more laborious than our first. What began as gradual, painless muscle waves became teeth barred, neck muscles popping anguished cries as Marussia worked her contractions until she squeezed a head into the water. A sudden rush of red, a heart stopping moment and then a breath as Marussia pushed on her next contraction and with Deborah helping, Nadia surfaced and cried out. The next seconds a whirl of excitement, panic, tears, proudness and then the second cry. Our new baby is longer than Lily was at 19” vs 18”, but Lily’s umbilical cord was much longer.

Nadia had much more vernex than Lily, so foreign to the two of us. When brought to the the breast she didn't know what to do, but by the time Marussia birthed her placenta on our couch and moved to our bed, Nadia was ravenous. She got impatient and latched onto my hairy, flat man boob and gave it the old college try. Sorry girl! She's a hefty 5lbs, 8.5oz; more than a pound over her big sister's birth weight. She's feeding right now, enjoying the peace and quiet in our house. I'm feeling a bit peckish myself, we started labour at six and ended at quarter to ten, this kid's got to have some dinner.

Welcome home Nadia.

37 Weeks

2007-08-12T13:32:00.000-07:00

We made it to 37 weeks and can now officially have our home birth as planned!!!!! Now of course we'll likely go over our due date!! I am feeling awesome, well rested and ready for whatever happens whenever it happens. We have the birth pool set up and all of our home birth supplies ready and standing by for action. We even went out and bought a brand new camera today so my sister Kyla can document the birth for us in 7.2 mega pixels instead of 3.2. Deborah is dropping by later this afternoon to check my cervix so we'll have a bit better of an idea of where I'm at. Still lot's of downward pressure, still losing my plug, still no steady, regular contractions. So we could be hours away, or we could be days or maybe even weeks away from meeting our new babe. In the meantime I am going to try to get out of wait mode and just try to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy as best I can.

It certainly has been exciting around here and it has been wonderful reading all your well wishes and feeling your eagerness for baby to arrive. Isn't it just the best that we all have to wait just a little bit longer for the Devinder Daddy post which means baby is here?

3cm

2007-08-11T11:38:00.001-07:00

I called the midwives office yesterday just to make sure someone would be there so I could pop in and pick up the home birth kit. Of course they wanted to know why I was in such a hurry to pick it up. I casually mentioned that I was losing my mucus plug and having a fair amount of contractions. Well apparently I have been a lot more calm and casual about all this than I was supposed to be. Our midwife Deborah made it quite clear that I was to LIE DOWN AND NOT MOVE AN INCH until she made a special visit to our house to check my cervix. I still didn't think she would find that I had really progressed much, I mean it's not like I've been having steady regular contractions like last time, and they barely hurt, in fact most of them I just talk right through as if they aren't happening at all.

So I was quite surprised to learn that I am 3cm dilated, 80% effaced and the babies head is fully engaged and ready to go!! I was so shocked with her prognosis that I began to shake involuntarily - out of excitement and out of total and utter disbelief!! I can't stress enough just how completely different this whole pregnancy has been! If I have just completed the first stage of labour and didn't feel a thing then imagine just how much faster this baby is going to come!!

So the midwife adjusted my due date slightly so I only have to make it til midnight tonight and I will be officially 37 weeks and able to birth at home. We have packed a hospital bag just to be on the safe side. Given the expedited delivery of Lily and just how fast and sneaky this labour is promising to be, we are setting up the birth pool today and Deborah is actually dropping off and setting up an extra set of her birthing gear as last time she barely made it for the birth and didn't get her gear set up at all.

I am on total and complete bed rest and I am not even allowed to breastfeed Lily as it has been causing some rather strong contractions. Luckily Devinder is off work today and as always we have the help of Devinder's parents who live just downstairs.

There is total excitement, anticipation, and last minute scrambling energy hanging in the air today. The funny thing is that we may very well still make it to my due date and all this worry will be for naught. But you just never know so it's good to be prepared for anything.

Speaking of which, we better settle on some names right quick!

18 Months

2007-08-10T15:38:00.000-07:00

Dearest Lilian,

When I hear myself tell people you are a year and a half I can hardly believe my own words. Mostly I think cause I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant that you would be a year and half when you became an older sister. Back when you were 11 months old, a year and half seemed light years away, and now, here we are. I want to write this letter to you now, before your little brother or sister arrives, to tell you just how much I have enjoyed our time together thus far. You have been our entire world since you arrived and now we have to share our world with another little being. I know everything will be fine eventually, but I worry that you will feel hurt and betrayed by there being another person around to take up my time. After all, things have been pretty darn fantastic, so why change anything?You are an amazing little person Lily, with so much sparkle and humour and love and individuality. You have a personality all your own that shines through the darkest days and makes me feel complete as a person. You made me a mumma and it's been one of the best life changing gifts I have ever received.

At 18 months you are talking up a storm, almost as if overnight some pathways were connected in your magnificent brain and suddenly you repeat back to us nearly everything we say to you. And physically, you are a superstar. You can run, jump, dance, twirl around shake your sillies out even better than I can!

You still nurse to sleep after you've had your bottle of hemp milk and in the morning you nurse for about a half hour while cuddling up beside your daddy and me in bed. Your eating is sporadic and your tastes are always changing, but for the most part you'll try just about anything. Your favourite foods are durian pudding, blueberries, raspberries, flax crackers, corn cakes, and ice. In fact I hope once I'm no longer pregnant that I can keep up with your ice eating cause it sure has been fun sharing that with you.

We have our good potty days and our bad potty days but I don't care as much anymore. I thought for sure you would be out of diapers before this baby arrived, but I am happy with the progress that we have made thus far. Even though we don't always make it to the potty, or you downright refuse to sit on the potty, you are aware of what your body is doing. You tell me when you go pee and poo and I know that that awareness will go a long way. I hope that when I start taking your brother or sister to the potty (which I plan to do almost right away this time) that you will have more of an interest in getting there yourself.I will forever cherish this time that we have had together. Even being pregnant has been an absolute joy with you around. You are fascinated with the baby in my belly and are constantly lifting up my shirt to give it hugs and kisses. I think this wee one will know and like you right away for that. Already you are a fabulous big sister.

You are welcome to attend the birth if you so chose. Depending on when I go into labour and whether you are awake or not, if you feel like sticking around to see what's going on, I would love to see your beautiful face at the end of each contraction. I have been reading you stories about birth and we hope to watch a birthing video so you will be a little better prepared for the noises and sights of birth as they unfold. If you do not wish to be there, your wonderful grandparents whom you love so much will be just downstairs to hold you close, sing you your favourite songs and take care of you while we welcome your new sibling. I can't wait to see the look on your face when we show you your new baby for the first time.

There is so much unknown that lies ahead of us now. Although it might be rough for you at first, I can't wait til you have a sibling to go through life with. After all, I couldn't imagine not having either of my sisters around.

I love you with all my heart,
Mumma xoxoxoxo

Seriously?!??!?!

2007-08-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

Looks like I'm on modified bed rest til Monday. My mucus plug is coming out at a rapid pace, I'm having contractions at the drop of a hat and the baby's head is so low I'm walking like a cowboy. I am utterly shocked at how fast things have changed. I am a crazy emotional wreck, excited about meeting our baby, nervous about Lily instantly seeming so old, worried about how she will react, hoping I've spent as much quality time with her as I could. Our house is a disaster right now and I feel unprepared for this birth. I think once we have everything in order I will be able to relax a little more and just enjoy these last few days or maybe even weeks if we're lucky. Man we better decide on some names soon too! Nothing like leaving everything til the last minute! Hang on there little belly buddy, just 4 more days til I'm 37 weeks and we can have you at home...

36 Weeks

2007-08-07T19:39:00.000-07:00

Cowabunga dude - we only have 6 days left til I'm full term and only 4 weeks left til my due date!!!!! I can't believe how frickin' fast this time is flying by. And just to let you know what a super rock star champion I am - I somehow managed to gain more weight and centimetres and I am now right on the money in terms of size!!!! Don't ask me how it happened cause I am shocked and bewildered and a little giddy about it all! The baby's head is still down and although s/he was lying prosterior (spine to my spine) s/he seems to have turned around again which makes me very happy. The head is extremely low and I have started to have some fairly strong contractions already, so I feel like this baby is coming sooner than later. We only have to wait 6 more days til I'm full term and 37 weeks in order to have our home birth. I am pretty sure I'll make it but I am on strict orders to take it easy til then just to be on the safe side. We got our birthing pool today and I am on the hunt for the last minutes. I feel really good and I have this super excited feeling that just won't go away. The end is near - soon we will be parents of TWO and and Lily will be an older sister! I feel like this time is precious with her right now and I also feel like I have to get in as much me and Devinder alone time before tis next one arrives. So we are off to see Cabaret at the local theatre tonight - a date - yipppppeeee!!!!

35 Weeks

2007-07-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

Wow! I can't believe how fast time is flying!! Only 5 weeks to go - hopefully! I was on bed rest by 35 weeks last time round, and so far I really don't feel like I'm gonna need that this time around. I feel pretty darn good, even my sciatic problem seems to have vanished. I was able to take the entire day to myself on Saturday and went on a road trip to Victoria with some girlfriends. We did a lot of walking, and aside from needing to sit down a fair amount cause my belly felt really heavy, I did fine and so did my sciatic. I was however, quite tired by the end of the day and thankful for the car ride home so I could sit and relax.

My good friend Rebecca (21 weeks pregnant with her second baby) and I on the scooters we rented in Victoria this past weekend. My addiction to ice continues full force. I had some blood work done and my iron levels are just fine - so it seems I am just addicted to ice. I no longer make my own ice, I buy bags of crushed ice and I eat it by the bowl full with a spoon. Devinder thinks I am a big weirdo, but Lily is quite enjoying it and we often share a bowl of ice together. Many people ask if I've tried making fruit juice popsicles instead of just eating straight ice. In fact I have tried that, but it's really not the same for some reason. There's something about the hard crunch of pure frozen water - and it's refreshing taste is what I want more than the taste of juice.

My 35 Week pregnant Belly and Lily who will be 18 Months Old tomorrow!!!I am feeling the end is near and although I am not yet panicking over things that need to still get done, I am starting freak about the lack of personal time I will have once the new baby arrives. It took so long for me to gain back my freedom after Lily was born, and I know that intense breastfeeding won't last forever, but I still find myself panicking a bit and trying to squeeze in as much me time as I can before s/he arrives. Luckily we have a tremendous amount of help and support and my trip to Victoria was exactly what I needed and an absolute blast!

On the other hand - I find myself increasingly more excited to meet our baby. I am curious to see what s/he will look like and act like. I am also curious to see how Lily will react and how our family will feel once it has expanded. I keep seeing little newborn babies around town and I can't wait to hold our newborn and watch him/her discover the world and his/her own body bit by bit.

33 Weeks

2007-07-19T13:41:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling much much much much better about my lack of weight gain and centimetres. I have come to accept that I just make small babies and there's very little I can do to change that. I cannot spend the rest of this pregnancy worrying about something that just seems inevitable. I need to just enjoy my last few weeks of being pregnant and whatever comes out we will deal with then. We are after all experts in keeping the weight up on a tiny baby and I have started collecting preemie clothes again so we'll be a lot more prepared this time around in all departments.

That being said, I had my midwife appointment today and I gained 3lbs!! Still no centimetres, but the baby is still head down, still active and strong and healthy. I may not be able to make plump and juicy babies, but I know I can make healthy, strong rambunctious ones, so really there is nothing to worry about anymore...

My painful sciatic problem is pretty much a thing of the past - thank god! Swimming seems to have really helped with that. I still get random hip pain and yesterday I had this crazy nerve pain that was shooting down my legs. The midwife seemed only slightly concerned about it because the way I described it she said it sounded like contractions. She thought this because this baby is extremely low already and often women experience the pain of contractions when their babies are really low, in their legs and hardly feel it at all in their bellies. So I am to keep an eye on it, but we're not that concerned about it for the time being.

Thanks by the way for all your comments after my previous post. I really do appreciate your positive thinking and reassurance when I find myself worrying over nothing.

Here is a comparison from last week at 32 weeks. I can't seem to find a 33 week photo from last pregnancy, so I'm taking the week off from photo taking.

Me 32 Weeks, Lily 17.25 Months Old. It's crazy how her tiny little head makes my belly look ENORMOUS!!

31 Weeks

2007-07-05T21:58:00.001-07:00

Holy cow it's been a loooong time! We had a great vacation in Saskatchewan with Devinder's relatives. I really did get to relax and I feel like I have super human powers now that we are home again. My sciatic bothered me a lot when we were away, and it still bugs me now and then, but is thankfully letting me sleep at night again.

I had some disappointing news today at our midwife appointment. The baby is doing great, heart beating at 156bpm, head is already down (yes I know it can still rotate) and I am doing great. However, I haven't gained weight in 6 weeks and I haven't grown from my last appointment. This may not seem like that big of a deal to some, but for me it really is. As you will recall, Lily was a very small baby, 4lbs 13oz born at 39 weeks. All of my appointments last pregnancy involved a bit of worry as I was always behind in my fundal height measurements and had very little weight gain. Yes yes, Lily was born perfectly healthy, and has been nothing but the picture of health since, but it was A LOT of work to keep her weight up in the beginning. I have been so excited this pregnancy because I grew so much faster than I did last time, I thought for sure I was going to be one of those glowing pregnant woman with their huge beautiful belly's and wonderfully plump babies. I thought I wasn't unrealistic in my hopes for a 6lb baby this time, but now I feel like we might not be so lucky. I know I have 9 weeks to gain more weight and centimeters, but I feel like I have been eating up a storm and this is as big as I'm gonna get.

Anyways, I hope to look back on this post when I am holding our 6lb baby in our arms and laugh a big hearty laugh. After all, worrying about nothing is what I do best...

29 Weeks

2007-06-21T21:42:00.001-07:00

I was vacuuming out our car last night and when I was done I stood up to excruciating pain in my sciatic. It hurt but I didn't think much of it as I've had pain in my sciatic before. I thought it would just go away like all the other times before. But this morning it was even worse. And after an emergency trip to the chiropractor this morning it felt much more painful. I am icing it and have luckily had quite a lot of help today with Lily, but it still hurts. And the worst part is that I have my cousin's wedding this weekend, followed by Devinder's cousin's wedding, followed by our friends wedding. If you add it up that equals a HELL OF A LOT OF DANCING that I DO NOT want to miss!! So please silly sciatic, quit being such a pain in the butt - literally!

I have started to sleep with a pillow between my legs already - and it just feels so early on to need that. In fact, the bad sleeping has begun already too. I am restless and hot and awake about 4 times a night to go pee. Luckily I took the advice of you my lovely readers and discovered that yes indeed I was quite low on iron. After taking iron for about a week and a half my itchy skin is almost a thing of the past. Thanks thanks thanks! Still in love with the popsicles so maybe that's a genuine craving or something that takes a little while longer to go away.

We are gearing up for our big vacation of the summer to Devinder's family's farms in and around Saskatoon. We will be celebrating his cousin's recent wedding and it will be the first time many of Devinder's relatives meet Lily. I am so excited to see her playing with all of her cousins and to watch her running around the farms. She is just going to love all that open space!

Since it might be a while til I get to post again I will leave you with this short video of Lily singing. It is her newest and coolest trick and we like to exploit it as much as we can!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

See you soon...

Ice Ice baby

2007-06-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

At 28 weeks, I want ice baby! I want it morning noon and night! I want it on cloudy rainy days and on hot sweltering days. I crave not only the cold of it, but the crunch of it too. I make ice popsicles like they're going out of style and I eat about 4 a day. Can you say BIZZARRO anyone??!?!?!?

Itchy belly, restless sleeper and an emotional wreck! And to think I feel sad that my last pregnancy EVER is only 12 weeks away from the end.

...but my milk came back...and Lily must have smelt it because she now asks for the boobie in the middle of the day again. I am delighted. I am thrilled. I am a nursing pregnant momma! These bodies of ours really are amazing aren't they?

Opinionated

2007-06-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

Look at just how opinionated I am...

27 Weeks/6 Months/Hello 3rd Trimester

2007-06-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

Wow! I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy is flying by! I am already in the 3rd trimester and it feels like I just pee'd on that stick a couple of weeks ago! I love the comparison photos! In addition to being bigger this time around, I am also carrying completely differently. I am carrying so low this time and I wonder if that is why I don't have as much acid reflux as I did last time around? I also seem to have a lot more pain underneath my belly and I wonder if that's because I am carrying so much lower as well...

Summer has finally arrived and we have been spending our days outside. The sun is so rejuvenating and I've even been swimming twice in Kyla's inlaw's outdoor pool. The water makes me feel so alive and it takes the weight off my belly so I don't feel pregnant at all. I am so excited to spend my last trimester prancing in the sun, swimming daily and eating all the great summer fruit that's finally in season! I am definitely feeling the heat more than others around me, so I guess it's true that you are so much hotter when you are pregnant. But so far it's tolerable...

This baby feels even more active than Lily did which has most people saying "uh-oh!" I myself am enjoying Lily's active personality sooo much these days that I can't wait to meet this next baby with a whole new personality and perspective on life. Devinder's brother Vik just had their second baby this morning at 8am and talking to Allison about the birth and her new baby boy made me so excited for labour and to meet our baby. I have been eagerly expecting their baby and have been dreaming about them non-stop. Allison decided at 36 weeks pregnant that she wanted to have a home birth after having a drugged hospital birth the first time around. So at 36 weeks she had to ditch her doctor and find a midwife. They had a successful home birth and I am so proud of her and so happy they got to have the birth they really wanted.

16 Months (18.8lbs)

2007-06-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Lily,

I'm not really sure where this last month went! It has been sunny sunny sunny out and you LOVE to be outside! In fact if you can't be outside you are one miserable little girl to be around! You love your sandbox, kiddie pool, slide and ride on bike. You also love helping me weed the garden, which is good cause I really hate weeding so it's nice to have some company! You are also a big fan of watering the garden and you carry around the watering can pretending to water the plants. I know we are going to have a beautiful garden as the plants can really feel your love for them.

You are mimicing more and more these days and can now shake your whole body and stomp your feet when I sing the shaking and stomping your feet song. You are still talking away like crazy, but I only seem to understand a few words here and there.

Our potty training has gone out the window recently, which has me worried that you won't be out of diapers before your brother or sister arrive. Hopefully it's just a faze, but it's hard to accept your absolutely rejection of the toilet when we were doing so well before. I am really tired of cleaning out poopy diapers!

All this sunshine had you not wanting to got to bed til it was dark and waking up with the morning light. After about a week of that you suddenly became so tired that you have started putting yourself to bed earlier than you ever were before at 7pm! You still wake up a wee bit early, but you are for the most part sleeping through the night so we'll have to forgive you for that one.

You are still nursing to sleep to my utter surprise and delight! It seemed so many times like you were just done with the old boobies, but somehow you have changed your mind again. Perhaps it's cause I am actually feeling my breasts fill with milk again after I was sure they had dried up for good. Whatever the case, I am happy to be continuing our breastfeeding relationship as long as we have.

You seem to be quite the momma's girl lately and whenever I am out of your sight you say "Mumma Mumma" in the sweetest little voice. I LOVE it when you call me Mumma, it makes me feel so important, needed and loved. I will never forget the sound of your voice calling my name.

I love you entirely,
Your Mumma

25 Weeks

2007-05-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

Feeling...you know...pregnant! As you can see, I am bigger than I was last time at 25 weeks, although it doesn't look like much, it feels like a HUGE difference. Bending over is difficult and I have to remember to use my knees. I feel pretty good though. I went for a 20km bike ride to the lake today no problem. I have a lot more energy these days than in previous weeks. I rarely need a nap anymore so I find I have a bit more time to myself in the day which is great. I am however having troubles sleeping which I never really had last pregnancy. My skin is incredibly itchy and I find it hard to get comfy. I am loving this summer like weather we've been having. Loving wearing skirts and tank tops and proudly displaying my beautiful belly...

Best Mother's Day Ever!

2007-05-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

Last Mother's Day Lily was 3 months old. We were still very much tied to the boob. I remember it felt wonderful to hear people say "Happy Mother's Day" to me. We didn't do much and the day passed much like any other at that time.

This Mother's Day was completely different. I told Devinder weeks in advance that I was taking the day off. Ironic I know, to celebrate being a mom by leaving your daughter with your husband and taking off. But that's what I did and it felt great! Me, my sister and our mom teamed up with our good friend Rebecca and her mom and we went on a little road trip to a place called Coombs. We had lunch and looked around the market and then went home. We were gone for a total of 4 hours and it was heavenly. When I got home I felt relaxed and rejuvinated. As much as I love hanging out with my daughter and my husband, it is so wonderful to be able to get away now. It really marks how far I've come in this amazing journey called motherhood.

So Happy Mother's Day to all you hot mommas, mommas to be and mommas who are still trying out there in blog land! I hope you had a fantastic day no matter how you celebrated...

Lily in Action

2007-05-09T15:46:00.000-07:00

Dancing Queen

Lily on her bike

Update

2007-05-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

I stopped in at the midwives today and my midwife happened to be in and available. I told her all about the crazy 2 hour long super painful back spasms and she assured me that although they are not common, they are normal (sound familiar Glenna?). They are similar to leg cramps which many women experience during pregnancy. She told me to take some liquid calcium next time it happens (hopefully it won't happen again) and to start upping my dosage of calcium in the meantime. She checked the heartbeat and it was fine and she did an internal and I am all good there as well. I didn't think I was worried about it anymore, but I feel so relieved after talking with her I must have been harboring some deep down fears after all. My back is still quite sore from the muscles being so tightly contracted for so long, but otherwise, I feel perfectly healthy, fine and dandy.

23 weeks

2007-05-06T12:08:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very pregnant very suddenly. My belly has exploded and I suddenly have that famous pregnancy waddle which is VERY attractive. I have all sorts of aches and pains and acid reflux. It seems so early to be feeling as uncomfortable as I do already. This pregnancy is completely different in every way from my last. The only thing that is familar is the baby kicking and moving around all the time. If it wasn't for that little comfort , well, I'd still be pregnant I guess, but it wouldn't be as tolerable.

We had the strangest scare last night. All of a sudden out of nowhere I had this shooting band of pain wrapping around my midsection. I suddenly couldn't stand or sit or find any comfortable position at all. I laid down for a while and breathed through the pain. We were at my parents place, about 25 minutes from our own home. It was after 7pm and Lily really needed to get home to bed. I didn't really want to move off the bed, but at the same time I wanted nothing more than to be at my own home to deal with the pain. So we loaded up the car and headed off. The car ride was excruciatingly painful on my back. I was having a very hard time breathing through the pain and Devinder and I both noticed that the pain seemed to be coming in waves, kind of like contractions. We both wondered if this was what was referred to as "back labour." During each "contraction" Devinder claimed I was making the same sort of noises I made during labour. He was calm on the outside but freaked out beyond belief. When we arrived home he immediately called the midwives despite me telling him not to, and called my sister Kyla to come over in case we needed to go to the hospital. Meanwhile, Devinder was trying to deal with a VERY cranky Lily who just wanted her mommy who was moaning and groaning on all fours on the bathroom floor feeling like I was going to throw up. I climbed into a hot bath which made me feel moderately better, but not 100%, while Devinder attempted to put Lily to bed.

Eventually I did throw up and eventually the pain lessened and I began to feel somewhat normal. As suddenly as it came on, it just went away, leaving me feeling exhausted and freaked out. The closest explanation we could come up with was that the baby was sitting on a nerve. I have had food poisoning before, and this was nothing like that. It also came on almost immediately after eating, which seems a little fast for it to be food related. The pain always started in my back and worked it's way around to my stomach. Unfortunately Devinder dialed the wrong number for our midwife and she never called us back. I don't know if she would have had any advice or not. I am still not totally sure if it's even pregnancy related, but it sure was freakin' weird!

15 Months

2007-05-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

Dearest Lilian,

I don't know if there are words enough to describe how much I love you these days. Things got tough for me there for a while, but it was you who have been there along who made me realize what this whole mothering thing is all about. Thanks for your great patience and for sticking with me through it all. I am so proud to be your momma.

At 15 Months you are trying oh so hard to talk!! You have always had words, but now, everyday you seem to have a new one and it's very exciting. Today we walked into the pet food store and you instantly started saying "dog" over and over again. It's so cool that you understand that not only Kona is a dog, but you seem to get what the general species of "dog" looks like and that makes you brilliant! Here is the list of words you have said so far:
-Dog (just in case you weren't paying attention)
-Momma (not mumumumumum anymore)
-Dadda
-Papa
-Gramma (although you say Amma)
-Poe (your best friend)
-Auntie Kyla (you say Tyla)
-Rebecca (you say Ecca)
-Up
-More
-Diaper (you say Di-po)
-Kona
-Boots
-Ball
-Bottle (you say Ba)
-Tea (how can you tell we drink ALOT of tea)
-Choo choo (for train)
-Book
-Baby
-Banana (you say Ballaalala)
-Bath
-Bye bye
-Hello
-Uh-oh
-Outside
-That (You say "Dat")
I am noticing when I write it all out that you have a fondness for "B" words. I am probably forgetting some words, but who cares - that is a pretty impressive list and we are just thrilled to bits at our communication progress with you. Can you say genius!!

You know all the parts of your body but are particularly in love with your belly. You love my belly too and you love to kiss it and give me blow farts. When I point to my belly and say baby you look slightly confused, but today we saw a real live baby and I said that's what's in my belly and you pointed to the baby and then to my belly. It's a rather hard concept to grasp - in fact I feel confused most of the time when I think that your brother or sister are living inside my belly right now.

You are sleeping like a rock these days AND through the night!! There was a time when I never thought I would actually get to use those words, but one day you just did it and haven't stopped since. You seem to be a much heavier sleeper in general. Suddenly you don't need the white noise fan and we can make as much noise as we want in the evenings and you sleep through it all. You go down really easily too now. I give you the bottle while rocking you and singing to you. When you are done you have a wee little boobie and then you pull away and I put you in your bed. You stare up at me and sometimes play with your feet while I try to put a blanket on you. Then I say "night night Lily, I love you" and I leave the room. Most nights we don't hear a peep from you, and on other nights we hear you quietly talking to yourself til you pass out. You sleep about 11 hours a night from 7ish pm to 6ish am. We tried to put you down later with the hopes that you might wake up later, but you seem to really dig the wee hours of the morning which we are getting used to. It certainly is more bearable now that you sleep straight through. Thank you for that! Your nap times are great too. you almost always fall asleep in the car on the way home from morning playgroups. This used to be a problem cause it would turn into a power nap and then you wouldn't want to take a real nap til too late in the day. But now I can get you out of your car seat and into your bed without waking you!!! You almost always sleep for just over an hour and sometimes, like today you sleep for 2 1/2 hours!!

I thought for sure that you would be a bit of a Tomboy being that you have always been so active and rambunctious. But you seem to LOVE dressing up and are always bringing me new outfits to put on you. And you LOVE shoes!!! What a girl you are! Sometimes after I've put on a pair of shoes you will go to your room and get another pair and insist that I put you in those instead. You seem to have some sort of fashion sense already. Maybe you can teach me a thing or two!

I started doing prenatal yoga on Monday morning and you go to an hour and a half of child minding. The first 2 times you were so excited with all the toys and kids that it was as if you didn't even notice me leave the room. But this last time you cried and cried and cried when you realized I was going to leave you again. When I returned from yoga, the lady Caroline who takes care of you said that you stopped crying almost immediately but liked to hover near the door a lot. When I returned you gave me the biggest longest hug ever. Today at playgroup I think you thought I was just going to drop you off and for the first half hour you wouldn't leave my arms til you felt confident I was staying. I wonder if this is a new phase or if it stems from the fact that you spent a night all by yourself at your grandparents the other night while your daddy and I had a night to ourselves. You were so wonderful for them, went to bed really easy, only woke once in the night and went right back to sleep. You even let them sleep in til 7am! I know that you had a good time, but I think this is a bit of an adjustment in your perfect world of constants. I think it's good for you to know that you are fine with out one of us around. I feel like your confidence in yourself and in us is strong. But it is nice to know that you still miss us and would prefer it that we didn't ever leave you.

You are an eating champion these days. Some days you are pickier than others, but for the most part you will eat just about anything that is put in front of you. You down your green smoothies every morning which makes me very happy. You love durian, which is good because I can't seem to get enough of it these days. We share almost all our food and you like to feed me and yourself. In fact we take turns, I feed me, I feed you, you feed yourself then you feed me and repeat! You also love to feed Kona which makes feeding you a little trickier. I have to make sure Kona is outside or on his bed in the other room before I give you food. I feel like I am always telling you to not feed Kona, which I swear only makes you want to feed him more.

I always feel like I must be missing out on a million things when I write these letters. You are pretty amazing, active, caring, thoughtful, unique in every way and a joy to be around. I love you with all my heart and just a little bit more.

Love your Momma