The birth of our son

I cheated a little bit and got the midwife to get this labour going a little before it's time by doing a cervical sweep at Noon on Friday morning. You see, in and amoungst my Nettie's passing and funeral we are also in the process of buying a juice bar in Courtenay. The takeover date is May 1st and in the next coming weeks we have the most amount of work to do to prepare for the grand opening. If we had had any control over the timing of this business we would never have chosen the exact time our son was to be born. But I am certain that buying this juice bar is the right thing for our family so we just went with the flow.

These last couple weeks have been very stressful for me. I was unable to find space in my body and in my head to birth this baby. My body was on it's way to birthing this baby sometime next week, but then this lovely 4 day long Easter weekend presented itself to us and our midwife happily helped speed up the process.

After the sweep I tried desperately to not go into full on wait mode, just in case the cervical sweep didn't work. I was trying to just relax and enjoy our last day as a family of 4. We hung out in the yard and did some gardening and went for a walk through the woods. It was sunny out and it was indeed very relaxing. After the kid's went to bed we caught up on some old episodes of LOST and went to bed around 11:30pm. Had I known I would wake up just 1 1/2 hours later in labour, I would have gone to bed much earlier!

So yes around 1am I groggily realised that I was dreaming about having regular contractions and I woke up enough to start timing them. They were very regular and coming every 4-5 minutes. They weren't overly painful but they were more intense than any of the contractions I had been having prior to then. I timed them for about an hour and then woke Devinder up to announce I thought I was in labour. He exclaimed "I knew it!" and hopped out of bed and started getting the house and the birth pool ready. We decided to call the midwife since she had made it clear that she wanted to get here with plenty of time to set up her gear. Because our last 2 labours progressed from the 5 minute apart contractions to meeting our babies in lightning fast time, she thought she should come over right away even though it was 2:30am. I called my parents as well still with the thought that every body should get here quickly so they don't miss anything. Ohhhh hindsight...but we just didn't know at the time.

I hopped in the shower and Devinder continued to prepare our house for the birth. Deborah got here just after 3am and when she checked me I was 4cm dilated so she started to set up all her gear. My parents arrived around 3:30am and then Devinder's mom woke up and came upstairs. There was a party like atmosphere and it was quite a joyous and celebratory affair with me squatting and leaning on the couch every 5 minute to breathe through a contraction. This went on for about an hour when suddenly I started to feel pressure to perform and I just couldn't relax. My contractions were starting to dip in intensity and I quickly realised that I couldn't have a room full of people sitting around waiting for this labour to happen quickly like my previous labours. I got everyone to go downstairs and try to get some sleep and I sent Devinder to bed so at least one of us would have some sleep under their belt. I sat up with Deborah (the midwife) for a while and then we both agreed that perhaps I was just tired and should also go lie down.

So Deborah slept on the couch and I crawled into bed and slept in between contractions. In this weird hazy waking sleep I had 2 very significant dreams. In the first dream I heard a voice, maybe mine, maybe the baby's, say "Okay I'm ready now." In the second dream I heard my own voice exclaim "It's a boy, can you believe it, we actually had a boy!"

Then Nadia woke up around 6am, which is an hour early for her. So I went in and breastfed her hoping she would go back to sleep and also hoping the breastfeeding would stimulate some more contractions. At this point they were 5, then 6, then 8, then 5, then 10 minutes apart - all over the map and no longer regular. They were still intense, but not at all rhythmic. Nadia did not go back to sleep so Devinder got up with her and went downstairs so Deborah and I could try to keep sleeping. Lily woke up around 7am and I got up with her. The little bit of sleep that I did get was pretty good for me and I felt stronger and more ready to have a baby.

As I was going through the normal everyday routine of getting the girls dressed, making breakfast etc, my contractions started up again. I think because I was no longer thinking about them, instead I was just going on with my day like I do everyday. Instead of my mind trying to control my body and make it labour faster, my body was able to just do it's own thing with my mind happily distracted on my usual morning routine.

We had a really nice breakfast with my parents, Devinder's mom, Deborah and the girls. My contractions were back up to 5 minutes apart and it was fun having my dad timing them for me. After breakfast I had a few really intense contractions and it was suddenly very crampy and painful in between contractions. I announced that I thought I might like to go into the pool soon. But when we checked my dilation I was only just barely 6cm, making progress, but too soon to go into the pool in case it stopped labour altogether.

So I went for a nice walk through the woods with my mom. It was so good to be outside in the fresh air and to not just be waiting around the house for everything to happen. On the walk I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes. We went home so I could pee and Deborah checked my dilation. I was almost 7cm and definately making progress. So Devinder and Lily and I went for another walk through the woods and I continued to have strong contractions every 3-4 minutes. It was so nice to be outside and these walks were really the highlight of the whole labour. It was so sunny and warm out and just so nice to be walking and not just waiting.

When we got back to the house I felt a shift and my contractions really started to get intense and very regular. I think it was about 10am. I made some food and ate it quickly so I would have enough energy to finish the job. I was labouring on the living room floor in child's pose and Lily was helping to rub my back and stroke my hair. Having her there really helped keep me strong and her funny comments kept it all in perspective. It was finally time to get in the pool and Lily shouted out a big "hurray Mumma's going in the pool!"

The pool was a relief as I was pretty crampy even between contractions. I got out once to pee and the difference in pain was incredible, I don't know how woman have land births! My sister finally arrived and I think because I was waiting for her to get here I was not allowing my body to continue to open up. Once she was here my mind went "okay great, everything is in it's place I'm ready to do this." And do this I did. I went from the normal intense contraction which lasts about 1 minute with a nice 2 minute break before the next one, to one continuous contraction that did not stop until he was born. My body just shot open to 10cm and it was incredibly painful and fast. I was a lot more in my own body this time, barely able to speak or look around the room. I could hear people talking but I was so caught up in my own pain that I am not really sure what was going on.

At one point I had to chant affirmations to myself in my head so I could make it through. I kept saying "I can do this, this is what my body was made to do. I can do this, I have to do this, because nobody else can do it for me." Then I had to visualize the baby coming out and the pain ending otherwise I thought I was just going to give up altogether.

I was a lot more vocal this time than with Nadia and after a particularly loud contraction I looked up to see Lily in her Grammy's arms with a very worried look on her face. Because I was much more focused on my pain this time around I almost forgot that she was even there. I mustered enough energy to give her a smile and tell her that I was okay and that these are just the noises that mumma's make when they are breathing their babies out. She just looked at me and said "it's okay mumma I'm really proud of you." My heart melted and I felt strong again.

I was having a hard time breathing all the way deep down through my belly and out my bottom, but then once I realised that I was having a hard time doing this I found the strength and managed to do it. Once I was breathing properly I really felt like the end was near. My body was starting to push and I breathed right through my body and helped give a great big push and suddenly my waters broke. There was a couple of minutes of relief where the pressure was less and I was able to refuel with some carrot juice. Then my body started up again and I had maybe 3 more strong pushing contractions and then the head was out and then the body and then I was holding our new baby!

I think everyone, including myself was quite surprised when the head popped out. Not that I couldn't feel it, because holy crap yes I could feel it, but again I was comparing it to Nadia's birth and it took so much longer and so much more effort to get her head out. Silly me for thinking this birth would be anything like my past 2 births. This baby is unique in every way, so wouldn't the birth be? In fact this baby is so unique that there is a perfect little penis right where I thought I would see a vagina!! Deborah said she wished she could have got a picture of my face when I saw that it was a boy! My weird labour dream was right and I think I shouted out the exact same words "Oh my god it's a boy, can you believe it!!!"

So in hindsight I wish that we had not called in the troupes so early on, but we really were just so caught up in our past births instead of just going with the flow of this one. Having already had 2 births in no way made me an expert. Every one is different and special in it's own way. All in all I can't really complain about a thing. I had tremendous support and love all throughout. Devinder was as usual, a fabulous birth partner, Lily was incredible, just amazing to have there. Nadia wasn't at all into my labour pains and she hung out downstairs with her grandparents. She's still not quite sure what to make of the baby and has surprisingly been keeping her distance from him, occassionally kissing him but mostly just giving him funny looks. I am able to write this birth story only a day after it happened thanks to all the help Devinder and our family's have to give. The kids are out hunting for easter eggs at my parent's house today and Devinder and I have had most of the day to ourselves to bask in the amazing beauty of our son.

Our son, (I can't believe we have a son), is so calm and patient and quiet. He's still coughing up a bit of amniotic fluid but he's handling it like a real trouper. He latched on right away and is peeing a pooping like he's been doing it his whole life. He is small, 5lbs 12oz, but he is strong and healthy and very alert. We are still deciding on a name. I guess it goes to show just how much we really thought we were having another girl, because although we had a list of boy names that we like, we had not yet narrowed it down.

So there you have it, the birth of our wonderful son, born at 38 weeks 2 days, Saturday April 11, 2009 around noon in our birth pool at home. Welcome home little man...